Think You Might Have Asperger’s Syndrome?

If you are reading this page, it’s likely that you’re looking for more information about Asperger’s syndrome, because you suspect you (or a family member) might have it. You’ve googled it, read the symptoms, and identify with them.

At this stage, some people back away quickly. Not everyone wants to be labelled with something as defining as autism; but for the rest of us, identifying with Asperger’s syndrome (and maybe going on to get a formal diagnosis) has been the most positive moment in our lives, and provided a crucial turning point. It has been distressing, for sure, but out of the catharsis has come self-awareness and with it, self-confidence:

“I am no longer a failed normal person. I am a successful aspie.”

Perhaps, like we did, you fear you won’t be taken seriously, because you don’t fit the aspie stereotype: you’re not a socially-awkward 9-year-old boy, and you don’t have a train set. Perhaps your friends and family think your interest in Asperger’s syndrome is just your latest obsession (er… hello?!). Perhaps you’ve already been to the doctor and been told that you’re “just depressed” (when you’re not), or that you can’t have autism because you can make eye contact (not true), or that you can’t have Asperger’s because you’re an adult and/or female (also not true). Or that you can’t have autism because you’re married, have a job, and/or drive a car (none of this is true!). Sadly, even some members of the medical profession are woefully lacking in up-to-date information about adult autism.

Perhaps you’re worrying that you just want to have Asperger’s syndrome, because it would “excuse” all your “failings”. Perhaps you’re worrying that you’re just “attention seeking”. Perhaps you don’t feel worthy of a diagnosis.

We understand. We’ve been there too.

These are all very real concerns faced by undiagnosed aspies. But we know that just because you don’t currently have a diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome, doesn’t mean you don’t have Asperger’s syndrome.

Many aspies are content to self-diagnose. They don’t need the piece of paper to prove their autism; they’re confident in their own knowledge that Asperger’s syndrome is what they have, and adjust their lives accordingly. But we’re not all like that. Some us lack that confidence, which is hardly surprising after a lifetime of “being wrong” about everything else. Some of us need a diagnosis, to prove to ourselves or to others, that “there really is something else”.

All the same, getting a diagnosis as an adult is not always easy, particularly if you are a woman, and you need to do some research before you start. Here are some tips from those who have been through the process.

Do your homework
Even if you’re afraid that researching the subject will lay you open to accusations of “making yourself more aspie” just to get a diagnosis, it’s important to visit your GP armed with facts. Identifying with symptoms from an aspie perspective will be great for your own confidence, but if you’re going to convince a medic, you need to speak to him in his own language; read the “Triad of Impairments” and pick out those with which you have particular issues. Write down examples. In fact, write down everything, questions and all.

Visiting your doctor
Depending on your doctor, you might find instant understanding and care, or the complete reverse. Either way, the first question he/she will ask you is, “why do you think you have Asperger’s syndrome?” and if you’ve done your homework, you will have the answer. Take a close friend or family member with you to offer both moral support and add conviction to your concerns. If your doctor agrees to refer you, but still seems unconvinced, don’t let yourself be fobbed off with the wrong referral (e.g. to a general psychiatrist for assessment of depression). If you’re in the UK, you can insist on seeing someone with specific knowledge of adult Asperger’s syndrome.

Prepare for a long wait
Unless you have the luxury of going private (which is an option), you might wait for six months to a year before getting your assessment. This can be a worrying wait, particularly if anxiety is an issue for you. Try not to spend the intervening time thinking too much about it – trying to second-guess the result will only work you into a knot of self-doubt. Keep faith in your conviction. Trust that you know yourself better than anyone else knows you.

Dont’ be afraid to ask what will happen on the day
You might be pragmatic about your assessment, or feel as though your whole life hangs in the balance. If you’re like us, and prefer to know what your future holds, don’t be afraid to ask about the process in advance. What the room will be like? Who will be present? How long will the consultation last? Where can you go if you need a break? What kind of questions can you expect? Don’t worry about influencing the outcome by having prior knowledge of questions; for what it’s worth, my psychologist had worked out I was aspie before she’d asked the first question.

Take someone with you
On the day, take a close friend or family member with you. Someone who can confirm (both to the psychologist at the time, and to you afterwards) that you represented yourself accurately. This way, you won’t worry later that you were “putting it on for effect” and/or fear that, despite your shiny new diagnosis, you’re really just a fraud. You’re not.

Allow yourself to grieve
Whatever the outcome of your assessment, you might well be upset. Even if you get a much hoped-for diagnosis, finally being denied any chance of ever being normal can be distressing. You might grieve for the person you could have been without autism, or for the person you could have been if you’d been diagnosed as a child. Read about the “Loss Curve” and prepare for shock, denial, anger, and depression, before you finally reach acceptance. You might whizz through these emotions in a matter of hours or days, or it might take months. Even though my diagnosis came as a huge relief, it took me a fortnight to stop crying, and about six months to accept it. Over two years on, I’m still making adjustments.

Have some answers ready
When you start telling people about your Asperger’s, you will get a whole range of responses – many of which might cast doubt on your diagnosis. There’s a list here of what people said to me, along with my (weary-sounding) replies. Use mine, or think up your own answers, but remember that other people might be shocked, embarrassed, incredulous, etc. and say all kinds of crazy things they wouldn’t say if they had more time to think about it. You might consider telling some people in writing.

Be kind to yourself
Don’t go over all the stuff you did wrongly or rightly before you knew you were an aspie. You’ll have done the best you could, and all without a vital piece of self-knowledge. Forgive your old self. Get to know your new self. You are a good and wonderful person, and there’s a whole world of aspies out here waiting to say Hi!

–Leigh Forbes

Related content:
» Asperger’s in Women
» It’s Okay to Want a Diagnosis!”
» Bullying & Abuse
» Symptoms of Asperger’s syndrome (from an aspie perspective)
» The Triad of Impairments
» Diagnosis Stories
» Online Tests

Further Reading
Information about online tests for Asperger’s
How do I get a diagnosis? (from the National Autistic Society)
The NHS Constistution (detailing your rights as a patient)


153 thoughts on “Think You Might Have Asperger’s Syndrome?”

  1. “Perhaps your friends and family think your interest in Asperger’s is just your latest obsession….. Er hello..”

    Oh my god. Penny dropped

  2. Hey all,

    Seems like an appropriate place to ask; is it easier for two people with Aspbergers/low on the autism spectrum to form a romantic bond with each other, or is it easier for us to attempt forming a relationship with someone who doesn’t have this ‘mindset’? I ask as I’ve had relationships in the past, some more successful than others, but all eventually crashed and burned due to my introverted tendencies. Haven’t been involved with anyone like that in 10 years or so now, and before I get too old I’d like to make another attempt, just wondering if anyone has experience of dating someone with the same mindset…..does it work out better?

  3. Hi, I found this through a rather deep rabbit hole starting with my curiosity of all the pride flags out there, some pertaining to only neurodivergent individuals. I didn’t know what neurodivergence meant so I looked that up and took a quiz to help my curiosity (and they’re fun anyway lol) to find I have traits of both neudivergent and neurotypical, and the quiz mentioned I scored rather highly for Asperger’s specifically, so deeper I went! I’m an eighteen-year-old girl and can relate to a lot of the things aspies have said around the site, especially all of that first part on this post. I’d think it was just my recently-diagnosed anxiety (which cropped up because I had to leave home and all I knew for college) but there’s still a lot that doesn’t fit into that. I’d just like to say thanks for taking the time to put this together, it’s very informative and interesting! ^-^

  4. I have Asperger’s with no formal diagnosis.
    I do not believe in the genetic theory at all in fact I have gone to great lengths to understand how environmental factors are the underlying cause.
    Asperger’s for me was initiated with thermerosol and later mercury fillings.
    Extreme allergic reactions occurred.
    I almost died as a result of infant vaccination (less that 1 month old and vaxed!)
    Some improvement with chelation and is ongoing.
    Still cant stand noises and have problems communicating normally and eruptive anger issues for trivial matters.
    I have absolutely no faith in the medical/pharma industry. I find most doctors completely incompetent (which of course they are as they are drug pushers for th pharmaceutical industry.
    They also have a god complex.
    Asperger’s IS most definitely environmental – they use genetics to blanket that which they have no comprehension of.
    If anyone reading this thinks otherwise they are gravely mistaken and delusional and they have not researched properly.

    Most nutrition is very poor – virtually all foods have been monsanto’d and cause build-up of iron & reduction of magnesium
    Magnesium regulates hormone D, ceruloplasmin, iron, calcium and copper.
    Most people are deficient.
    All tumours have an abnormal concentrations of oxidised iron. !!!! cancer is a condition juts like obesity!
    Aluminium causes cells to lose the ability to transport out toxins and repair damage!
    Fluoride immediately shuts down over 70 essential processes.
    There are over 80 000 untested chemicals in public circulation most derived from petrochemicals.
    I would say that most people who have been vaccinated have some varying degree of what is known as aspergers and it is still defined in too narrow a margin. The complexities and differences are as diverse as peoples faces.
    I do not intend to be formally diagnosed as I believe it is morally wrong and juts promotes marginalisation.

    I have personally read over 200 pubmed articles that provide the connections between toxicity, malnutrition and the varying degree’s of so called syndromes.
    Syndromes my pimply arse!
    What we have is altered pathways and hormone and mineral dysregulation.

    I am also very successful, extremely lucid wrt systems, aesthetics and conceptualisation.
    The sooner the medical profession is disbanded and these monstrosities who call themselves doctors are dispersed into other professions the better!
    Interestingly, doctors have among the highest drug addiction rates and suicide rates of any profession.
    Why on earth would anyone in their right mind trust them when they also have the shortest lifespan of ANY profession!
    When doctors go on strike mortality rates decrease also lol

    Just deal with your condition as best you can without drugs wherever possible.
    there are far more of us than those who are regarded as normal which as far as systems are concerned – that is the intention!

    I hope not to upset anyone who reads this but I have to face reality and deal with it just as all of you do.

    I wish all who have been affected improved health.

  5. I’m 13 and i just scored a 38 so this is new you know I always felt different and people tell me I seem a little socially awkward sometimes and I guess that’s true and I think I’m ok with this well I don’t actually know if I have it but I don’t really want to go to a doctor

  6. Iam a radiologist .i was recently diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. I was always bullied by my colleague .today while I was doing a scan I was asked to get out by the next shift doctor as I wanted to ask her something . Could not say anything other than thank you . Iam depressed now .everyone can get over it except me .i am depressed what can I do to change the way people behave to me.

  7. I’m just curious. How common is it for a parent to reject and hide a diagnosis of autism from a child? I’m asking for myself, because I know my mother supposedly rejected a diagnosis of “retardation” though I suspect she confused asperger’s/autism with that, not realizing they’re two separate things. I was treated for speech impairment and motor skills mainly, and did well in school, so obviously I wasn’t “retarded” but I’m wondering if my mother used the wrong language with that diagnosis and didn’t realize it because of lack of understanding. And she never really talked with me about that particular diagnosis up front. I mainly overheard her talking about it with someone else one day. And I love my mother, but I know she has a lot of misconceptions and misinformation about certain things. Also, I’ve dealt with social awkwardness all my life as well as anxiety in certain situations that makes work difficult, too. There are a number of other things I’m hitting as far as symptoms go, but it’s late and I don’t feel like getting into everything there. I’m just wondering how common it is for parents to reject or hide a diagnosis from their children and avoiding proper treatment for asperger’s.

  8. Hello ;) This is so true about me. I was reading this article thinking: :”Wow! That’s exactly the way I feel now.” I’m 41. So many time I felt like I was living in the wrong time. Like I should have been born in the Middle Ages ;) My two daughters were diagnosed with Asperger’s not so long ago and that kept me thinking if I fit in too. However it is not so easy to admitt that you are Aspie as others reaction to that is: “You must be wrong”, “It’s not possible”. And so on. But they don’t know how I was feeling inside. Like I was consisted of many pieces of different people, like I did’t exist. Now I feel differently as I’ve been on therapy for almost two years and I started realizing that I had lost myself somewhere and don’t know who I was. I still don’t know but now I understand myself better. It’s almost two years since I started thinking of me as an Aspie.( Still affraid I might be wrong). Have a nice day everyone ;)

  9. I am fourteen years old and I think I might have Aspergers. I relate to many of the symptoms but I’m afraid to go to someone about it because they might think I’m too young to know, or I might be wrong and then people would think I’m only looking for an excuse to be different. Or I night end up thinking that myself…
    They might be right, I am not old enough to know, but I know a lot of things people my age don’t usually know. Everyone would think i’m overreacting because I got good at hiding most of it. What should I do?

    • Dude it’s fine. I’m 18 now and have had the inkling that I’m autistic since I was 13. I just finally realized a way I can communicate it so I can ask for help. Haven’t done anything yet though. I’m trying to muster up the courage to email her about seeing someone.

      • I can’t spend four more years not knowing, but i don’t wanna tell my parents about it either. I have done several tests on the internet and they showed that i’m likely an aspie, but that doesn’t prove anything. The results could have been biased by my knowledge on asperger’s syndrome. My parents know that i’ve done my research on it. I’ve tried to leave them subtle clues, but both of them think it’s like medical student’s disease. I can’t bring myself to ask them directly

        • I am scared to tell my parents that I’ve taken the tests, because they are the type that will just say, “be quiet you’re fine, you don’t have it,” but I think I do, so my friend and I are trying to come up with an elaborate plan to get me tested. Should I just go to my parents and tell them?

        • I am in a similar situation as you. I have as well token many online tests that all test positive, but I am still VERY young (please don’t think I’m bragging but I’m also highly capable so it is understandable) to be researching this. I have managed to spat it out to 2 of my friends at school but i am too worrisome to tell my parents that I may be autistic. I also fear that given my moms nature she would likely make a mistake and choose a bad therapy if I was diagnosed. I’m a little worried. What should I do?

        • Please talk to your parents. Or an adult you know you can trust. Im 19 years old as of now, and I can tell you from person experience that you cannot be afraid to tell your parents how you feel. When I was around your age I also struggled with whether or not to tell my parents the way I felt inside. I was afraid of the way they would react, how they would feel, or how they would think of me. None of that should scare you away from talking to them. What matters is that you take a step towards communicating your feelings. I know it will be hard to find the right words but dont let that stop you from trying. It will be easier in the long run if you start trying now. This is something im still struggling with myself. Best of wishes.

  10. Hey, I’m 25 and trying to get diagnosed. I’ve always been socially awkward and oversensitive to stimuli. As a child I was called Spock, the accountant and Hermione. As a teenager I learned to at least fake empathy and certain societal norms. When I started babysitting a girl with Asperger’s I began to suspect that I might at least be on the ‘spectrum’ that was nearly seven years ago and I didn’t see any reason to get diagnosed but now I’m taking college courses and have pursued a few more jobs the more outside I feel. Last week my mother randomly mentioned that she’s pretty sure I have Asperger’s and it’s given me the confidence with her support to try and be diagnosed to see if I can get some more confidence and maybe help with managing jobs. My twin brother has lamented to me that he doesn’t think I should have to do as society expects and wishes he could provide for me so I could do my own thing without the stress of holding down a job so I have a very supportive family but I wish their friends and my extended family would understand that I’m just different, one of my mom’s oldest friends just thinks my mom wasn’t strict enough with me and that she shouldn’t allow me to be so fickle, it doesn’t bother me that she doesn’t like me but it bothers me that she thinks my mom failed.

  11. Great article. I’m 22 year old and i’m from Quebec. I can say that this article is really helpful to me because it’s hard to be diagnosed Asperger in Canada, especially in the province of Quebec. I need to wait 18 to 24 months for a diagnosis. I have never talk to my family about that except my father. I hope they will understand if I tell them my situation.

  12. Dear Joanna and Leigh,

    I am a 51 year old male Brit who is waiting for a diagnosis. I can’t tell you how comforting your words are at the top of this page, I’m so glad I discovered this site.

    Like many here I have a lifetime of anxiety, depression and struggling to fit in. As a kid I often used to faint when I was excited, stressed or over stimulated. I had EEGs and other tests but they never found out what it was but I grew out of them by my late teens. I look back now with the knowledge I have read on the net and am convinced that they were the first of many indications to come that I am an Aspie.

    During my childhood and early 20s I often experienced bullying both verbal and physical at school, college and work. At 14 I had a breakdown as I couldn’t cope with school or home life, I guess the hormones were kicking in at that age too. I was ‘diagnosed’ with school phobia which although true that I didnt like school was only a small part of the problem but back in 1980 Aspergers wasn’t known about in the UK. I was prescribed Diazepam which did remove much of my anxiety but made me tired and was like living in a little bubble and made me more detached from people not less. 18 months later I decided I’d had enough of this and gradually came of them. I was told that my dose was too small to have caused any addiction and that I would experience no ‘cold turkey’…. they lied it was horrible for the first few days of sleepless nights and sweats. From that point I lost faith in the NHS and buried myself in my hobbies and turning my love of electronics into a career and my passion of the electric guitar and rock music into a way of meeting people and me feeling better about myself.

    Over the next 30 or so years I’ve had more breakdowns, seen various therapists (private not NHS) and even trained as one for a few years. But during all that time I never really felt cured, I found work-arounds and leaned hope to cope but I was basically the same as I’d always been. Like many here once I started reading up about Aspergers it was a light bulb moment for me. Back in my mid 20s I had been a sound technician for a self help video for people waiting for a diagnosis of Autism. I can remember thinking at the time this sounds like me but not quite as severe. This was 1990 so Aspergers still hadn’t been recognised over here yet but I wished I had followed my instincts back then.

    I really do hope I get a positive diagnosis, I’m convinced I must be in the spectrum, so many things fit now. My concern is that I don’t which is probably my loss of faith in the NHS rearing its head again. But if not I guess there is always the option of a private diagnosis if I can scrape the money together.

    This seems an excellent site/resource so again I say thank you and I look forward to reading your newsletters.

    • Much like you Chris I’m 52 soon – have suffered numerous ups and downs, big depressions, felt that I don’t belong. Rebuked as a child for deliberately forgetting things (I’ve just removed washing from my washing machine which has been in there for 2 weeks and had 9 washes until I remembered to remove it!).
      I have friends with children on the spectrum who say I am definitely aspergers. I did go for an NHS diagnosis but the psychiatrist gave me the impression I was wasting his time and said I had social anxiety not aspergers because I could articulate and make eye contact and I wasn’t “rocking on my chair”. I’ve had a reasonable social life but probably only because I get drunk. I don’t understand people, I am becoming more and more distrustful and tend not to go out at all nowadays. I hit the high marks on all the online tests – have just done the ones recommended by this site and scored high across the board.

      I’ve had to re-invent myself so many times and it has been a major struggle each time – I’m on my third career and only because I’m a quick learner if I’m interested. I’m now at the stage where I’ve been off work with illness for a long time and it has made me think more and more about aspergers.

      To anybody especially Cassie – get tested now!!! If you have the money go private. I look back and think about the endless nights I have questioned why I am like I am..why I think the way I do…why I feel I don’t belong in this world and to be honest I still don’t know if I am truly aspergers or not…but I’m pretty damned sure I am.

      Once I am treated for my physical illness I will have to go back to work..and I am dreading it. Because of the nature of the industry I have to deal with some very complicated face to face interactions and added to that there are some really weird characters.

      It’s not going to be pleasant and I am depressed just thinking about it..but I have no other choice – I have debts, I need to pay my bills and I know it will probably take me two years to get back on track – to a life where I will be able to afford a holiday and have some spare cash. My family has been supporting me with my bills while I’ve been ill and just the telephone exchanges are so hard when you know they don’t understand why you do what you do and act the way you do.

      I’m only writing this because yesterday I rang the Samaritans – that’s where my life is right now – fight and live another day or end it all..and unfortunately my lovely logical, problem solving aspergers brain has worked out that the most logical answer is to leave.

      But somewhere inside that brain there is a small part that keeps saying – wait and see what tomorrow brings and at the moment that bit is winning.

      For me a proper diagnosis years ago would have meant so much – would have made me feel exonerated for all the years of not understanding who I am, what I am and why I am. I think that it would have given me the space to go “Hey – it wasn’t your fault – this is why” and I think that would have allowed me to understand how to deal with it and move on.

      For the moment I have to try and keep my head above water (literally) and get my life back on track but there will still be very dark days when the logical answer will be not to.

      Wouldn’t it be nice if the National Lottery could invest some funding to research better ways of diagnosing spectrum conditions and a way of getting the message out there so more people are aware and can get the help they may need.

      Thank you for the site – especially tests I’d never heard of before (my scores definitely confirm I’m aspergers):

      Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-Revised (RAADS-R)
      Total score – 190
      Language – 21.0
      Social relatedness – 97.0
      Sensory/motor – 39.0
      Circumscribed interests – 33.0

  13. Thank you for this article. Im male, 35 and have been struggling becoming independent – moving in and out and back in with the parents. No luck in getting a steady job and more. Feeling like no matter what I do its not good enough or I dont try hard enough and I admit, its hard to try hard enough.

    Ive read all of those reasons that one cant have Aspergers Stndrome and a lot of them I relate to. I was 12-13 when I was diagnosed with ADD. I mention to people now and some ask “do t you outgrow that?” Uh, maybe some do but I have not. In fact Ive always felt that it wasnt the full diagnosis since I have “quirks” that fit a multitude or disorders. In fact, I’d argue my ADD has become more severe.

    The problem is, I can make eye contact, Im not really shy or rsserved (I was up until high school). I can be social. I mask it so, becayse Ive had practice and figured out how to adapt yo crrtain situations that often times I can fool my parents that everything is fine, when my brain feels like salad spinner/zoopraxiscope of endless thoughts: ideas, worries, fears, and hopes. Im guessing that I mask it as a coping mechanism to feel like I fit in and feeling like your input doesnt matter. I do however have or had things that fit the profile of the spectrum.

    I know the eye contact and such DQing me from having Aspergers is not true. When I would tell friends and such about my ADD, they would they had a little of that, or that Im just using my ADD as an excuse. It was easy to believe them, so I tried doing things differently, was prescribed stimulants two-three different times and many made me drowsy. Things got better…temporarily, but then it was a repitive pattern.

    In the the two weeks ive research AS and ASD i have discovered a lot of info that might help, but many services are towards kids and young adults under 21. In addition it seems difficult to be properly tested and diagnosed as a lot of medical professionals have a biased view. Ive brought my mother into the picture in helping find a supoort group and someone who can help find if I have AS snd the next steps. If I do have AS, it would be a whirlwind of emotions, but it would also be a relief to know that my failure wasnt just because I suck at life. Ive learned to laugh at mysrlf a little otherwise Id be super mopey all the time, but at the same time I think that is also a mask for the depression.

    Im new to this site not yet looked around but Ive contacted a support groups that specializes in AS and Autism to find resources and inormation about getting diagnosed and in addition talking to psychologist to to help get my life somewhat balanced.

  14. Hi everyone,

    My name is Gary, I’m 47, married and Daddy to two wonderful children. I have a younger sister, 37, who was diagnosed as HFA several years ago. First by my father, a Probabtion Officer, who then pushed and pushed until the medical community in the UK gave up in frustration and eventually formally tested and diagnosed my sister with Autism, I think she was around 4, certainly no older, at the time.

    A few years ago, my father and I were talking and he brought up the subject of Aspbergers and the fact that the IT industry is (apparently) repleat with diagnosed and undiagnosed AS people. I thought nothing more of it, until recently…

    The final point that pushed me to first seek information, then self-daignostic tests, a Psychologist here in Dublin where I’ve lived for the past 13 years, and then onto this web site, was a throw away comment to my wife last night that rapidly degenerated into an arguement.

    The cause? Irish Rail changed their time table on Monday and I am no longer able to get the routine train homw that I have been using. It has been replaced by another service, at the same time, that goes to another stattion within the city.

    My wife could not understand why this has caused me so much annoyance and I have been at a loss to explain it in any rational, meaningful way that makes sense to both of us.

    This arguement coupled with the memory of that conversation sometime ago with my father about Aspbergers, promted me to look into the “symptoms” today and begin a rather fast transit from “what is this all about?” to “ah, that explains almost everything since I was old enough to remember!”

    Since reading through a variety of web sites and thinking about what I do each morning, it is obvious to me now that the cause of my problem with the change to a train time table and my refusal to change the train I get, it that it is a change to my routine.

    Whilst waiting for the train this morning, I completed an on-line version of the AQ and scored 43. This evening, just for further “evidence/confirmation” I completed the on-line version linked from this site and scored…42 – which would suggest that I might, possibly, be somewhere on the Spectrum. I also took the Ritvo Autism Aspberger DIagnostic Scale test with the following results:

    Language: 14.0 = threshold 4.0
    Social Relatedness: 84.0 – threshold 31.0
    Sensory/Motor: 36.0 – threshold 16.0
    Circumscribed Interests: 35.0 – threshold 15
    Total Score: 169.0 – threshold 65.0

    And if that wasn’t enough, I also completed the Rdos Aspie Quiz and scored as follows:

    Your Neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 159 of 200
    Your Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 66 of 200

    You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

    So from that evidence, it would seem very highly likely that I am Aspie, which (perhaps) strangely enough makes me rather happy. I am one step closer to understanding the how, what and why and therefore a step closer to being able to better handle the confusion that the world causes me!

    I spoke to a Psychologist today about a formal diagnostic assessment for Aspbergers (€700) here in Ireland for that and January being the absolute earliest that would be done. It also seems to take around 7 hours to fully complete for the Psychologist and around 3 or 4 hours of my time for interviews etc. This may well become a rather expensive “Christmas present” to myself.

    This self-daignosis has also cast light on something else that has bothered me constantly since I can remember. If the TV, music etc is too loud it actually causes pain in my ears. This I now understand is a potential “symptom” of AS. Another things this may also explain is that over a certain volume of background noise, I am completely unable to distinguish peoples’ voices from the background noise – may be related, may not be.

    Looking at the Triad Of Impairments, I think I can confidently lay claim to the following:

    Sometimes literal understanding of spoken language, especiallu when tired or stressed. Same with sarcasm and humour.
    Occassional difficulty with following long or complicated sentences.
    Explaining how they feel.
    Occassional echolalia, once again usually when tired or stressed.

    DIfficulty with understanding facial expression and body language – essentailly NVC “blind”.
    Not realizing when the person they are talking to is cross or tired.

    Inability to imagine the world from someone else’s perspective.
    Interpret other people’s thoughts, feelings and actions.
    Predict what will happen next, or what could happen next.
    Difficulty coping new or unfamiliar situations.

    One of the things that I find somewhat difficult yo cope with, and logically I know it makes very little sense, is things (Books, DVDs, CDs etc) in alphabetical order. I order books by genre, author then either by narative sequence or publication date. DVDs go by genre, title of the first film in a series then narrative order. This makes perfect sense to me and I can find any book or film etremely quickly.

    It drives my wife nuts, however, so we have compromised. I order the books how I ant and she orders the DVDs and CDs alphabetically by title. The result is she can never find a books she’s looking for and I can never find a DVD or CD I’m looking for. And I have a constant annoyance – bit like a shard of glass in the mind. But this is the price of compromise…

    Anyway, I believe I have gone on more than long enough. If anyone has read all of this without getting bored, well done! Finding this site and going through the self-diagnostic tests today, I feel like a weight has been lifted and I now am closer to understaning.



    • Thank you for posting this Gary. I’ve just been diagnosed with BPD and it just doesn’t relate to me. I found a website saying Aspergers is commonly misdiagnosed as BPD in women. So now I am here and you’ve posted some great online tests! I just took the rdos test and scored 170/200 for Aspie and 26/200 for non Aspie. The detail sheets that break this down had me as Aspie On everything by a wide margin! The test even accounted fir my ADHD (professionally diagnosed) as a scored a perfect score there! Anyway thank you for the signposts to online Aspergers tests.

  15. We my other half and I just got back from a psychiatrist referral for a final diagnoses for Asperger. WOW. I will never put my other half through something like that again!…right off the bat he was told “it’s a childhood issue, not for someone who is 48″also “it’s not going to help you now”…He was told that I have no training to state it’s Asperger and that he the Dr knows best. My friend was told he has Anxiety and he was asked if he wanted meds. I was so mad. He was told that it does not matter at this point in his life if someone tells him he has Asperger or not, and since he was not diagnosed as a child then to bad so sad. The hole thing was a waste of time. I can go down the list and check off all his characteristics of Asperger, I can see it, he can see it, the referring Dr can see it, but not the psychiatrist and like he told us, he has the training and medical background!!

    • shrinks nowadays are more drug pushers than actual psychologist or psychiatrist… any conditions they cannot sell you drugs with has no use for them…

  16. Thank you so much.
    No body explained to me the steps of Grieving and Being Kind To Yourself.
    I was in a spin after my diagnosis. I thought it would be a big relief, and I was so confused why it wasn’t and why I was so sad/angry.

    This is the best advice I’ve been given. And after 38 years there is much to forgive myself for.

  17. Hi
    My father and my 2 older brothers have asperger syndrom.
    My daughter and my nephew (5 and 4 years old) are in wait of a diagnose with possible asperger syndrom.
    Though my father never took care of me (he is a brilliant Ingenior and Inventor, his work was all he took care of, as I guess, many men with Asperger) but though I spent much more time with my mother (who is very out going and social) I pickt all of my father´s behaviors.
    I also look a lot like hime ,and not so much like my mom (I say that in case if there is genetic component.)
    I have tried 2 diagnose, the first one was totally off (the woman was not even a psycholog or psychiatrist), I was diagnosed with schyzoid personality disorder (I am a verry emotional person who tend to melt and cry at first contrariety.
    I then went to a psycholog, who said I don´t have Asperger (but He also said my daughter doesn´t shows any signs of Asperger, and she is in a center for Asperger, and they say she shows signs. We have to wait though for any final diagnose, because as she speaks 3,5 langauges, it makes it hard to differentiate if it´s purely asperger, or if it comes from understanding problems.
    I often wonder if I maybe have been wrongly diagnosed, because though I got better in many areas of my life (no more depression, I got my career back on foot as a musician), I still have a lot of difficulties socially wise, and no matter how many times I do the Aspie quizz online, I get a 90% Asperger rate.
    So, from outside, I get evaluated in another way that I feel inside.
    Would it make sense to seek for a third and last diagnose to make a 100% sure I´m not wrong?
    Thanks for any response.

  18. I am a 23 year old female, I am still not sure that I am on the spectrum. Of course, without a diagnosis it will be impossible to tell, but my fear is that I will never truly know. I have suffered from several traumas through my life (sexual abuse, neglect, and familial drug addiction). Because of this, I have suffered from depression, PTSD and anxiety, but I have always felt that there is something underneath it all that separates me from “normal”. I recognize and accept those diagnoses, but for so many years I have struggled with an inner voice that says “Something else is wrong”, and Asperger’s has been the only option that seems right. I have dreamed of the day where I am diagnosed so I can finally take a deep breath and say “I have the answer!”, which people think is odd, but I would be so happy to have that resolution.

    In past years, the people I have spoken to about this have dismissed me for several reasons:
    1) I am well-liked. Before sexual abuse, my mother said I was a social butterfly. I never really agreed, people just liked me, but I never sought to be the life of the party. I think this has to do with being attractive to people.
    2) I smile constantly, subconsciously. People like when I smile so I do it a lot, and it’s just my default face now. I have also actively learned how to make eye-contact. In my younger years I loved and admired a young man who taught me that it was important, so I learned for him and have enjoyed feeling empowered by it, and enjoyed watching the faces of others.
    3) I have learned to socialize adequately. It is part of my career to be able to speak to people. This has been such a struggle for me and I, let alone others, could not understand why it has been so difficult. I still cannot answer the phone. I am currently waiting for a raise that I do not think I will get due to not being able to perform “socially”. E-mails have too often gone unanswered and it reflects poorly on me. I recognize when it happens, I can address it verbally with my superiors, but the act of replying is a huge hurdle which I cannot explain to myself or others, which reflects badly.
    4) I am smart. I have good reasoning skills, enjoy puzzle solving. I’m good at things, so combined with the above factors, I am outwardly “normal”.

    The truth is that I want to stay home and paint, draw, sing, play guitar, read, watch my shows, cook, and be with my pets. I don’t want to go out, ever. It’s hard for me to get up and go to work, or school when I was there, not because I don’t enjoy what I do, but because of how exhausting it can be to deal with the daily anxieties of performing to a certain standard.

    I have ranted far too long now. Thank you for those of you that have read this – it felt really, really good to get out.

    • I resonate with this. I am 37, and very well liked by most people I know. However, although I like socialising sometimes, I find it exhausting. I was bullied by my friends and enemies all throughout my school years by nearly all of the groups of friends I had. I have always felt like there’s a secret rule book of social interaction that I’ve never been shown. Yet I can be vulnerable with people now and have been told that I am a great listener – that I should go into counselling. I used to only feel comfortable with physical affection with my family, then when a teenager and adult, only with sexual and/or romantic partners. It’s only in the last 10 years that I’ve gradually become comfortable with physical affection with others. Now people sing the praises of my hugs!
      But despite so many people liking me now, I struggle to maintain close, everyday friendships. I was diagnosed with BPD after the birth of my first child. It fitted at the time- better than depression – but over the last few years, I’ve realised there’s something much more profound going on. Thank you for your comment.

  19. I am a 24 y.o. female. I alsways have problems making friends and was always bullied by me peers during the school years. I’ve never been diagnosed, but I suppose, that I might have an Asperger syndrome. Some symptoms I find really relevant to me:
    1. I am really bad at understanding unverbal language and facial expresions. I never used to make an eye contact till 19 y.o., when I learned to make it. However, I still find it difficult.
    2. I have a kind of obsessive movement like shaking my hands, jumping, rocking my body.
    3. I have special interests. I constantly try to find some information and it is difficult for me talk about anything else.
    4. I am hypersensetive to load noises and fireworks, bikes or dog barking sounds are the same unpleaseant for me, as a acute physical pain.
    5. I find myself completely unable to enjoy spending time in a large group of people. I become to feel excausted really quickly and try to leave it as soon as possible. I am somewhere on “my own wave” and don’t share other’s emotions. Even when I try to talk it mostly appears non appropriate for the situation.
    6. I have problems with the sence of humor and can’t understand most of jokes, that everyone else found funny.
    7. I have very poor understanding of social situation and aprropriate behaviour. I am very naive. For example, the only way for me to recognize that someone can lie to me is contradiction in infromation that I have.
    8. According to my parents, in my early childhood I always appeared to be very serious. I didn’t have speach delay, but I was already 3 y.o. when I smiled for the first time. I used to talk about myself, like about a third person. I said”She is” instead of “I am”.
    However in some sources I read that autistic people had problems with immagination. It doesn’t sound like me, since I’ve always been obssessed with creating fantasy stories and writting poems.
    Excuse my errors, English is not my native language.

  20. I’m 15 years old and I’m pretty sure I have Asperger’s syndrome. I started to read a bit about it because my parents jokingly said that I might have it. I didn’t know much about the subject so I decided to read up on it. The more I read, the more I started to realise that I identified with a lot of it. My parents don’t know much about it and it’s very likely that they wouldn’t take me seriously or go into denial if I told them. I could really use some advice on how to tell my parents so that they can understand me better.

    • I just found this sight and was reading some of the posts. I’m a Mum, my son is 14 and has Autism/Asperger’s. I couldn’t pass by your post without trying to help. Maybe write abut how you feel/how you feel you are different and tell them you think you need some help. Maybe speak to relative or a teacher who you trust will try to listen… prepared that they might try to laugh off and attempt to reassure you at first. Good luck x

  21. In my 50s now, going from thinking I’m just ‘shy’ or introvert, to depressed, bipolar to ADHD, autistic to Aspergers – when I was little there was much less choice in diagnoses. I was shy, that was all there was to it, I had to ‘make an effort’ to get over it. I am still not over it! Having lived like this for so long, adapted, compromised, made mistakes, mainly in relationships, is it still worth getting a diagnosis? If only for myself, it will confirm that my lifelong struggle wasn’t just because I was shy, or difficult or not wanting to be part of the crowd. That those years of utter loneliness in my mind (even while in a relationship), feeling that I didn’t belong, that I could not keep up this pretense of living…. were because of Aspergers, not because I was a freak from outer space, standing on the outside, looking in, wondering how the inhabitants of this planet managed their lives. Now I just need to find a sympathetic doctor who knows a specialist. I feel like I am seven again.

  22. Oh, this post-I am so- well, I am not quite sure what the proper word is. I would love to roll around in my thesaurus and construct something appropriately beautiful and thankful to write in order to express it properly, but I am really supposed to be pulling up a recipe on Pioneer Women right now to feed to the seething herd. I snuck in here instead and found your blog.
    My appointment is next week.
    No one believes me. I’m starting to doubt it myself, if I am this “aspie” as you call it.
    I’m a 42 year old woman, about to graduate with a master’s degree as a Nurse Practitioner. There has been SO much in my history, lol, but I’m guessing you probably already know that. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this blog and this post. My hands are literally shaking as I type this. Everything you said- it’s just everything. Almost word for word it’s pulled from my mind- how did you do that??
    I feel so liberated. I feel as if I could fly. THANK YOU.

  23. Hi, I’m Olivia and I’m 13. I learnt about Asperger’s by accident, but it instantly… ‘clicked,’ if that makes sense. Some of the symptoms don’t match me, but many do.
    Especially the social awkwardness and antisocial tendencies. In fact, a while ago my parents sent me to a therapist because of how antisocial I am. I didn’t see why it was a problem; if I only want to hang out with one or two people, isn’t that my choice? I’ve tried hanging out with larger groups, but I end up being bullied or treated like a four year old. Eventually I gave up trying to pretend I’m some popular person. I’m not.
    I’m an antisocial nerd. I’m a neat freak. When I was little, I set up my Littlest Pet Shops into scenes, then let them stay like that instead of playing with them. I still watch some ‘kiddie’ shows. I retreat into fantasy worlds, because I’m accepted in my mind and… Oh my gods I’m crying now.
    I’m convinced I have Asperger’s and I want a diagnosis but I don’t know how to tell my parents about it. “Hey, Mum and Dad, I think I have Asperger’s so now you can stop blaming me for being antisocial.” They’ll ignore me… They’ll say I don’t have it.

  24. I tried to get an aspie diagnosis. I went to my Doctor with my sheet of traits that match (100 in total) and once again she has a phobia about reading. No matter what research I do she still insists on not reading any of the stuff I put in black and white so when I dropped the print out of my AQ test back into the surgery I wrote her a letter telling her to ask my nan what I’m like to live with. Now I just sit and wait because she informed my all my problems could be perfectly normal and because I’m in work and coping too well austerity won’t want to pay for me. I also don’t have criminal convictions so should I go rob something or is it abuse cases? I really don’t understand. I’m positive I have it. I’ve even started a blog ‘’ to analyse my past. It’s helping a lot. My AQ test came back 44/50, everyone I meet thinks I’m weird. My mother suffers from narcissism and cut me off and the only thing I felt was relief and I haven’t been able to bring myself to write about her yet, but I will. The info on there is very personal but it needs to be shared because I’ve had moments where I’ve been beyond gullible. I almost ended up with a pedophile because he convinced me I loved him and was fortunate enough to snap out of it because he wanted me to move to the isle of wight and ‘I aint moving for no one’ and I went to meet a guy who had a live in tattoo job for me and it turned out to be a booty call with the most disgusting person I’ve ever met. His shop, apparently, got robbed so I was only there for half hour and have never been so grateful to get out of a situation. My cases are near misses but my work colleague has 2 kids and 1 has aspergers. Both children were abused by a family member and he felt a lot of shame and kept it secret for a long time because like any true aspie you always blame yourself.
    I hope I’m not 60 when someone finally takes me seriously but I’m 100 per cent positive I have this because every now and then I have meltdowns that I end up exploding, shouting vitriol and shutting myself in my room, or as at Christmas, my niece and nephews invaded my room for 4 hours and my brain exploded and I ended up getting angry, putting my outside clothes on and going over the park to cry my eyes out. Christmas destroyed. It is honestly the worst time of year.
    That is also a good detector of aspies- hatred of special occasions.

  25. I am a 34 year old mum and I am almost one hundred percent sure I have aspergers. I have always known there is something different about me, but always felt it couldn’t be anything on the autistic spectrum as I struggle with maths other than mental arithmetic which I am fantastic at, and I am very highly organised in some things but not in others. I now know that dyscalcula is fairly common amongst Aspies as are executive function disorders. Over the years I have drastically changed who I am, to fit in to what society expects, to the extent I feel like a shadow of my former self a bit. I’ve had a few breakdowns when I was younger, everything just got too much. When I was younger I was very very blunt and offended a lot of people, I could see immediately after the incidents I had said something ‘wrong’ but then didn’t know how to apologise and put it right. It doesn’t happen as much now but it may be because I avoid most social situations. I have my husband or someone else take my kids out so they are not isolated.

    I haven’t spoken to my parents about all of this, they have always been in denial that my problems are real and when they do acknowledge them they put them all down to depression.

    I have looked into a private diagnosis but it is really expensive for me, I could just about afford it if I paid in installments but I am not keen on the idea. I also worry that as a private doctor would not have access to my medical records and would prefer a testimony from my parents which they probably won’t be willing to give that they will not be satisfied by my word alone to diagnose me. I have considered an NHS diagnosis but my one worry is that by being someone with Aspergers I would be seen as being at risk of emotionally harming my children and put under social services surveillance. My worry is not completely unfounded as I do know Aspergers parents this has happened to :/. I know I am a competent loving parent but others may not see it that way. I have also been told that the wait for an NHS diagnosis in this area is 2-4 years which is just too long. So not really sure what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

  26. As long as I remember, I always was a little bit “awkward” for the majority of people…
    I think my symptoms were more severe in childhood than now.. Now as an adult, aged 27, I feel I can mask excellently that I am an Aspie. Usually…however, there are cases when I simply can not control my emotions, particularly those of anger and stress… I developed sociophobia to a certain extent, too. I have a history of being bullied at school and workplace, too. In all bullying cases, I was interested in why people behave so badly to me, and all the time I got the same answer: “Because you are so odd, as if you were from other planet..” I am extremely sensitive on criticism. Sometimes I just feel like I can not handle the criticism, mainly if it is told with hatred or anger. To my style of clothing- I enjoy wearing comfortable clothes and the same for shoes. I like pretty clothes, but they must be comfortable all the time. Nothing like high heels or tight “sexy” clothes. I do not wear makeup. I enjoy going out completely barefaced. Sometimes I think I even developed a kind of “narcissism”, as I like my face absolutely without makeup:) I get a lot of criticism because of my style of dressing and also because of rejecting makeup and high heels. I am extremely sensitive on criticism regarding my appearance and style. I often cry when someone insults me for that… I know it is completely childish but sometimes I can not help myself. I very much long for the love…I would like everyone to like me and to love me, too. Though I know it is impossible, again, I can not help myself feeling extremely hurt if someone behaves badly to me…We Aspies have it really hard in life…but never forget we are unique and very adorable. Kisses

  27. Well, Leigh, at the grand old age of 56 I finally got my finally got my formal diagnosis yesterday, and it is such a relief. I’ve been looking on your website for the last few years and you’ve nO idea of what a solace and support it has been to me. I first suspected that I have AS about 6 or 7 years ago when I read about Rennie MacIntosh, the designer and how he might have had it. Did some online tests and all came out positive. Then two years ago I plucked up the courage to ask my doc for a referral. She was the first person I ever mentioned my suspicions to. Her reply was that it wouldn’t achieve anything. At the time I didn’t feel secure in pursuing the matter. Then this July I saw her again, and having done LOADS of research, repeated my request so could put my case better. Had my assessment yesterday and was told at the end that my diagnosis was a definite. I punched the air, shouted YES and hugged my psychiatrist. I have been in mid air ever since. Strange looks at work today and my boss asking me what, in a nutshell(!!!) is AS. He couldn’t be bothered to read the leaflet I’d taken in with me. Others just saying its the way I am or just ignoring it, but they have only seen the side of me I’ve wanted them to see.

    Many thanks for all the support over the years.


  28. I was diagnosed in 1990 (age 21) with unipolar depression. That was later changed to bipolar disorder. No-one ever considered Aspergers but for some reason I found myself thinking about it recently. I did a quiz and also read the typical traits. Between the two I’m virtually convinced that’s me. For so long I’ve been dealing with these traits, wondering if there was something wrong with me. If I have Aspergers syndrome then I know there’s nothing wrong per se, just different. And although some aspects of my personality are frustrating, others allow me to see the world in ways that others can’t.

    I think I’m happy enough to self-diagnose. Between my mother and possibly my doctor I assume some derision will result in my discussing it, so I imagine there will be few people with whom I speak about it. No doubt that would include Aspies online.

  29. I have just come across this website, and certain parts made me laugh out loud in recognition. I have an Aspie partner; to me he is normal and have been recognising a lot of traits of his in myself. For years I have been trying to work out what was ‘wrong’ with me, trying to fit myself into various syndromes and disorders to get it to make sense. I do have SED/neophobia, from early childhood which has blighted my life, am dyslexic and am known for my list making and ‘place for everything’ neat freakness. I’ve always felt the odd one out, not fitting in anywhere, feeling on the outside of people around me. Relationships up until now have been impossible as I was told I was odd, weird, too sharp, too distant, unapproachable and various other adjectives of the like. I’m wary of wanting to attach another label to myself in a boy who cried wolf kind of way, but I’m really thinking I have found the answer finally. Of course, I suspect this will just be another anxious worry in my head now. I often wish I could enjoy life rather than keep worrying over all the little things, all the ways i’ve been wrong, how things could fall apart later in life, but all the positive thinking in the world doesnt seem to change it. I dont want to try and get a formal diagnosis based on former experience of doctors and counselling, which felt like a personal attack rather than anything helpful. I think I just want some peace of mind at last.

  30. A friend of mine just came to me and asked me if I was ever diagnosed with Asberger’s. I told him no. He said that he thinks I am most likely since I display alot of the characteristics. Now I am freaking out a little because if it’s true then why didn’t my parents have me tested when I was younger and they were still together? It would make sense because whenever I go out, I am usually by myself; tend to be a wallflower; I didn’t participate in team sports all through out school (I didn’t in gym class but there were a few I liked). I don’t know who I should go to to find out if I have it. What also makes it difficult is that I don’t have money to see a specialist.

  31. Hi
    my name is Andre ( english is not my native language, so its not perfect )
    I wanted to share my thoughs here. I think i might have asperger.
    For about 2-3 months ago i stumbled upon a site about asperger syndrom.
    I instantly recognized myself in most of the symptoms,
    and it was like a instant feeling of understanding myself for the first time in my life.

    I went to the doctor and she told me that i had to get out of my depression (im in a depression right now) before she would take a test, to see if i have asperger.

    But i am really confused, there is a part of me that tells me that i have asperger, and another that are really unsure. Im worried that i could be creating the symptomes bigger becouse it would give me the understanding and peace that i have been looking for. But i dont think so.

    But anyway, i wanted to share with you why i think i have it, and maby you could tell me what you think, compared to your own experiences.

    My family and some doctors thought i had cerebral parace when i was a baby, but later they cocluded that i was not a cp child. (I dont know if this matter)

    when i begun 1. grade i was the last one to understand and learn math corses. but i have allways been good with numbers and mental arithmetic besides school. since that day i have allways had a hard time focus and learning math.

    In other corses aswell it has been hard for me to focus, i was sitting looking out the window and imagining things, and draw things in the book instead of focusing.

    the only course that i did well was art class. i was the best in the class to draw and understand shapes, depth and so on, this i havent learnd but has allways comed naturall to me.

    when it comes to the social difficulties, this is the worst part for me. I was bullied alot in school. i have allways had a hard time with social situations and allways had lot of anxiety about social situation, this is something that is really challaging today. I have allways though that the bullying was the result of the way i am socialy, but it might just be the asperger.

    i have never actually understood others, (or myself), and have a hard time with egosentric people. I was allways the one that sat quiet and looked at others talk. i still am like that today. i find it extremly difficult to understand the social game.
    Despite all this i have some good friends, and allways survived on humor to survive in the social situations i have been in. Today i feel that i can relax and have good conversations with family and friends that i know really well. and non egoistic people i can alsow talk ok with.
    I allsow have had long time relationships with girls, but allways had a hard time keeping them. And really feel that i dont understand that bit eighter.

    i have allways had a hard time keeping a job, becouse of the social problems i have. but always done it good on interviews.

    other than that…

    I have naturall talent for drawing, and making music.
    and today i make music as a hobby, i can sit with that 12 hours a day if i can. My iq is allsow higher than normall, after taken alot of tests i found out that my visuall iq and creativity is very high!

    i dont know about the empaty part. i think i have good empaty for others.

    For me the world and the people in it is a confusing place, i feel a little like an alien from another planet, that have learned just barely to make it in this world and taken on a human costume so that other people will see me as normal!

    I know its impossible to say, but does this sound like asberger, or could it just be that my mind is “wrongly wired” from the bullying ?

    – Andre

  32. i saw the characteristics of aspergers in women and i never realised how many i feel i have. i feel in my heart this is something i have but i cant help but worry if im making it all up in my head for attention or to have something different about me. is this normal for someone to think without professional diagnosing?

  33. I started a small fundraising group in my town for children with all types of disability and have become heavily involved with an Autism Support group. I have been researching as many conditions as I can to get an understanding of the kids we work with and what their specific needs are but having researched Asperger’s and having been to a talk from a lady with the condition I find myself a little lost… everything I read, although not 100% matching, greatly describes how I am… I now am convinced I have a mild form of Asperger’s.
    I never forget what people have said, which means if they contradict themselves in a story or facts I correct them (even teachers at school) and this makes it hard for me to trust people. I am constantly being diagnosed with depression even though I don’t feel that I am depressed as I feel fine in myself. At 37 I am still bullied for being not fully socially active, I hate being in groups as I become too bossy and overbearing or a complete silent wallflower, I have been told I never know when to shut up and if something has annoyed or upset me (quite a lot of things I find frustrating) I have been told I ‘go on’ and bring conversations back to my point even when others have moved on. I’ve never had many friends. I prefer to be alone at home doing my work than being in an office environment. I’d rather email a colleague than pick up the phone and speak to them. I can’t bear noise for long periods of time, I chew things, I hate parties as I always feel awkward, I constantly check how I look with someone when going into a social situation as I worry I won’t fit in… I’m just not like others and it starting to out wedges in friendships because they don’t get how I can not be in contact for months – they think I feel I’m too good for them – it’s not the case…
    Am I being crazy to think I have it? Too much that I have researched is how I am, but are they just personality traits?

    • What you have written is exactly me. Dr just put it down to social phobia and anxiety and put me on medication that I don’t want. Had a complete melt down because he didn’t listen to me.
      Don’t know what to do now?

  34. I stumbled across Asperger’s Syndrome while doing a paper for school. I read through some of the traits that are said to be universal to all people with asperger’s. At first, I brushed through it, typed my paper and went on with my life. But, after a week of not being able to get it out of my head, I went back and looked at the symptoms again. I told myself I don’t have them. I am not monotone. I can recognize sarcasm. I have friends. I have good grades all around and don’t focus all my time on one subject. I reached the motor development milestones on time. I didn’t have it. That’s what I told myself anyway. after another almost two weeks I was back on my computer trying to find out more. Over those two weeks I remembered things I have done in the past and observed myself. I remembered how I was, and still sometimes am, confused by figurative language like sarcasm and metaphors. I watched my friends, all of which I considered close friends, and realized that my relationship with them wasn’t deep at all. I would only talk with them if I shared a class with them, saw them in the hallway, or it was a holiday get together. Then, I remembered all the subjects I took a special interest in for what could be considered a long time (pandas, Venus Fly Traps, Orchids, stars, Percy Jackson series, and my current ones, Harry Potter and birds(mostly hummingbirds)). I fidget with small things all the time (usually a rubber earbud piece). And I have always been clumsy (something my mom incorrectly thought 10 years of dance would help). I realized that I might have hidden myself in trying to do what I have done from an early age: be normal. I learned what was acceptable as normal and what was not. From there I based my existence around appearing normal no matter what. You couldn’t ‘act out’ at any time, no matter what. Make friends and be social. Talk to people. Get straight A’s but don’t draw to much attention, attention can be bad. Basically, I focus on being normal all the time, with ‘normal rules’ constantly running through my head.
    My question is, can someone hide their Asperger’s from everyone, including themselves, into their teenage years?
    (Sorry if I went on to long)

    • Yes, they can. Or at least I’d assume so. Everything that you said sounds exactly like myself. I didn’t think I had AS because I thought I was “normal enough”.
      My faults were just me being awkward, me loving to research things and obsess over them. Me reading. (Harry Potter and PJO special interest here, as well!) Me fidgeting with my hands. Me being monotone sometimes or not using the right voice. Me using a childish voice. Me not responding in ways that other people considered normal. Using words that people didn’t know. Absolutely loathing doing dishes by hand because of the TOUCH, the feeling of it. All the signs were there but I just didn’t SEE them, didn’t believe them.
      But they were there, nonetheless.
      So, yes, I think it’s possible to repress it into your teenage years. Probably even into your adult years. You normalize yourself, and might occasionally have suspicions but you won’t know. Or you won’t believe it. Because it just can’t be true, right?
      The casual ableism in our world made AS seem like a bad thing so I didn’t want to associate myself with it. Until I realized that it fits. It just fits.

  35. I know this. If I was in a group of people I know and a vote was taken for one person to leave, it would be me. And I would probably be happy to go and at the same time hurt. Go figure!

  36. Hello, I just wanted to share one of my old stories with you guys, it helps me distressing.
    One day when I was 12, our teacher didn’t show up and school ended up half hour earlier, I told the other teatchers that I had to wait till my mom comes and pick me up, despite the fact that my aunt lived near the school because I didn’t want to go there, she was nice and all but I preferred staying at school alone where no one talks to me, and mom was coming so no one will ever know.
    After 15 minutes while I was sitting in a class with the janitor watching over me- the other teachers left- mom came in looking like she was almost passing out, picked me up , looking angry at me.
    It turned out that she went to my aunt house earlier, and when she saw the kids of my class going home and I didn’t come she thought I was kidnapped, but then she asked the kids and they told them what I said to the teachers, mom was furious, she said it was a stupid decision, that I had no common sense or appreciation to what my aunt always did to me, of course I didn’t tell her the real reason why I stayed at school, then she asked me to lie to my aunt and tell her that I feared she wasn’t at home, I accepted thinking she can’t possibly be offended by that.
    I was very much wrong.
    when we got to her house she gave me a look I’ll never forget, then when I lied to her she told me that she heard the whole story from the other kids, then she started crying , asking why would I do something this terrible to her, did she ever do something to me that I preffered school over her house , that while she was all over the place looking for her kidnapped niece, I was sitting comfortably , I was shocked by her reaction, but didn’t defend myself.
    When we got home, I knew I was punished, but I cared little about that, all what my head was trying to figure out was :” why ? why can’t I make good choices? why am I the horrible person that made her cry? why was she even crying?” and puberty wasn’t helping.
    I cried myself to sleep that day, my aunt was never the same ever since, but I kept going to her house after school.
    A month later, I had to go home at lunch break to get something I needed, but I feared that my aunt will cry again and hate me even more for not wanting to stay with her, so I didn’t get that thing, and stayed at her house, but that lead to the most embarrassing situation that ever happened to me, mom was -again- mad at me because I didn’t tell her I needed to go home and get that thing,” why didn’t you make the right choice? ”
    That was when I snapped.
    I screamed at her that I was afraied that my aunt would take offense to that, she said it was still my fault for making my aunt suspect such things in the first place, I knew I had enough, and went to my room , crying for days , everyone at school heard about that incident, and I was devastated for months.
    For the past years, my aunt would make small talks and hints about that incident whenever she comes, something like : “Oh! you stopped showing up to family gatherings and my house that I forgot how you look like!” and so it goes …….. to the point I really want to scream and tell her “I WAS 12 AT THAT TIME”, but then I realized I might have done that even now while I’m 19, so does that make her the adult who took offence to a child, or me the stupid psychopath with no “common sense” ? I sometimes would cry thinking about these questions.
    Thank you all for taking time to read this.

    • You’re certainly not a ‘stupid psychopath with no common sense’. And, as you’re still only 19 and your Mum and your Aunt have been adults for a long time, they have more responsibility here for sorting out the situation. I would suggest trying to find a calm adult you trust who can be an intermediary. Don’t forget that autism can be genetic, so maybe your mum and aunt also have of strange ways of dealing with situations. I do think your mum was rather silly to assume you’d been kidnapped – it’s such a rare occurrence. My big problem with my family was that they all thought I was weird, but they are just as odd themselves. And now I’m in my 40’s I find several of my cousins have autistic kids

    • No, you really did do nothing wrong. You used your logic when dealing with a problem that concerned you. I understand why you acted as you did – it makes perfect sense. Your mother’s but most particularly your aunt’s over reactions are the strange behaviour here. They had no business to make a child feel so wrong about their own behaviour. I can quite see why as a twelve year old you preferred to wait at school. It wasn’t a weird or strange thing to do at all.

      What was strange is your mother and aunts response. A simple request that next time you go to your aunts house would have sufficed. Instead you got a whole drama which was not deserved.

      You showed common sense in responding in a way that made you feel comfortable in the situation. Feeling you had been kidnapped was not really a proper response from the adults. Most adults would have seen no harm and taken no offense in your action and it is not surprising that you didn’t like to go to your aunts house after that. Please stop worrying about this, you behaved in a perfectly reasonable and yes ‘normal’ way.

    • First of all, thank you Lisethy and Kate for replying to my post, I never thought anyone would reply so I didn’t check it out, thank you for reading my long post and leaving such kind words.

      I forgot to say that I actually live in a north African country, so kidnaping isn’t very rare, but also not very common, also a normal kid wouldn’t stay in school where I come from, they usually just run away from it. I always thought that was the reason for my mother’s rage, it’s my aunts reaction that I never understood.

      but thinking she might have some symptoms is wierd, I always thought it was my father that I got my aspergers from, because mom’s side of the family is very big and my aunt doesn’t seem to have problem with dealing with any member -well, exept for me- , thinking of the time I spent at her house, it was rare that she wouldn’t have someone visiting, she is very popular in all the city, but my uncles from my father’s side are more closed.

    • Long time ago I was told that shame and quilt are not emotions any humancanevet be born with. Those to are emotions society, non aspie humans, imbed into fellow humans as result of own egos in order to control another fellow human. Children, aspie or not are born innocent and pure, non aspie humans mould them to their needs. 20 years passed since this wisdom before I learned about asperger. Those within asperger traits are easy target for being made guilty and ashamed. You did what was to you best for you. Your Mother and Aunt had own needs they tried to be met in the future by making you feel guilty and ashamed for looking after your own needs first. They know how to get their nerds met by this kind of behaviour. You got your needs met by thinking and doing what you needed for your wellbeing. I hope you will on your life find path to love and care for yourself to well look after your own needs and not fall pray to others who are on autopilot fulfilling own needs but pushing others into guilt and shame for not fulfilling their needs first.

  37. Just came across this site/post today… Ever since I was little my mother always pushed me to make friends, even when I tried to tell her that all the other kids normally did was make fun of me and I never seemed to understand them. I didn’t actually learn how to tie my own shoes till my uncle showed me, around the age of 7 or 8, during the summer (its the ‘extremely simple’ version apparently). I hate it when (again, as far back as I can remember) I would eat one thing on my plate at a time, and I would make sure nothing touched unless “I” wanted to mix it, and my mother and step-dad would poke fun (im assuming in a joking way) about it, and all that would do is upset me because I figured they were making fun of me. Apparently I can smell and Physically feel more/better than anyone I know since a bunch of smells are overpowering (to the point of headaches and throwing up) while to my sister and others, they can barely smell them, and a “small pinch” from someone feels like someone jabbed me with a needle (I quickly get upset and want to lash out when it happens since it happens semi-frequently and they seem to just think I’m *overreacting*) My books and DVD’s HAVE to be in ABC order by title, and if its multiple movies/books of the same major title (i.e. Harry Potter series) i sort them in the order they were released. I HAVE to set everything correctly in the Dishwasher, and if I see someone else doing it “wrong” I have to take a deep breath and count to 10 in my head before I am able to walk away and ignore it, even if it still drives me crazy that I know its still wrong in the kitchen when I’m in the living room. I don’t like to “hang out” with people unless I feel like it, and if people try to tell me that I should “hang out” or go with them somewhere (the store, to pick up a friend, etc), I quickly get annoyed and angry, tempted to start yelling so they quit trying to force me be around others, and when they get me to go somewhere or “hang out” I normally never talk to anyone (not for lack of trying) and generally end up lost in a “daydream” and the moment I get back home, I just want to go hide away, but I cant since I don’t have my own room at the moment. Everyone tends to get upset with me when I truly forget to eat, and they go on and on about how I shouldn’t miss meals like that, even when I try to tell them that I didn’t mean to. When I’m reading a history book or even playing a game and my sister asks me about a certain event or game character, I tend to “go overboard” and start at “the beginning” with a “huge” amount of details to the back story (in her opinion) and she’ll interrupt me to tell me to just “sum it up” for her, leaving me confused because I don’t know how to do that. I was bullied really badly ever since I started going to school (I don’t know why). I love reading fiction books that I tend to lose track of time really quickly. My family calls me weird, or “sad” for loving math, science, ‘ancient’ history, and mostly just how stuff works. I don’t like my music ‘too loud’ most of the time, and get grouchy when people want the music louder or when they won’t turn it down, even when I’m stuck in a moving vehicle with them. When I get upset I (apparently) tend to make a ‘whining sound’, bounce my leg, tap my fingers on the side of my leg, ‘flap’ my arms around, or smack my hand on the table when someone is purposefully making me think they can’t understand what i’m trying to tell them, till I eventually ‘growl’, stand up, and stomp out of the room every time (sometimes I do other things as well as these). Everyone also tries to get me to try new things, (foods, drinks), but I get frustrated because all I want is what I normally have (Eggs/Toast for breakfast, Ramen Noodles for lunch, then what ever i’ve tried before for supper). I’m not sure what’s going on, because it just seems normal to me, but apparently to everyone else, it’s weird and everyone always tells me to “act your age” or “quit being so childish, you’re 20 years old!”… but I don’t know what I’m doing to get told that, and because of that, I’m always confused to the point of me not knowing how to act in society because I don’t know whats right and wrong, what’s rude or polite, what’s “childish” or “grown-up”, and to be honest, it hurts my head just thinking about it.

    • And it’s been getting worse lately since (to be remained unnamed person), hasn’t told me to “stop clicking the pen” “stop bouncing your leg” “stop tapping your pencil” “stop going ‘Um…'” “Quit Daydreaming all day” “stop fidgeting”. and I HATED it when said person would “clean my room” because then I wouldn’t know where certain stuff disappeared to, and would freak out because I have a place for EVERYTHING. I also really hate random changes to a planned schedule.

      • I feel like I wrote everything I just read. You have my deepest empathy, love, support and encouragement. I believe you and I would stop everyone’s judgement if I had the power so you could be freer. if you ever want/need to talk/whatever. : )
        You are not alone.

  38. hello, my name is Zachariah,
    I don’t know where to begin, i’ve recently turned 20. I am currently studying a music course as my dreams are to be a music producer/ music for film composer.
    throughout all my life I have been living in a life so confused, extremely, paranoid stressed, and little depressed (as I think these are the emotions I am feeling). I do not know what is wrong with me, I find it extremely hard to communicate with people, I get very angry recently since people do not understand me, with mixed feelings, I even go on lonely walks in the dark and cry on a bench and talk to myself extremely loud with my fingers on my head rocking back and forth with tears in my eyes. what brought my attention here, recently, I had a huge argument with my girlfriend, something which I didn’t understand and usually I am oblivious to everything and I can’t communicate with her properly so I got extremely angry which put a shock to everyone in the house, something I very often do/very rarely (smashing my head against a wall or punching the walls). I know my dad does the similar thing when I was much much younger (aged 6-9), My mother said my dads side of my family suffer from a lot of depression and anxiety.

    Ever since from primary school to secondary school, I’ve always been bullied till the age of 16. At that point I didn’t realise nothing was wrong with me, as I look back I vastly remember it was my lack of communications and mixed emotions I couldn’t get people to read me nor I read them I use to get picked on as I was saying obvious things. I could never find a joke funny, even when explained, I got bullied for being the quiet one with my head down.
    My paranoia has increased where I cry every night with so much confusion, asking myself the same thing “what is wrong with me”.. I had a driving instructor when I was 17 and he instantly noticed something strange about me, since his son has asperges he noticed I was ‘clenching my teeth’ every two minutes, or fidgeting, doing something I didn’t know I was doing, as it become like a habit for me.

    I do apologies for this long message, as it is only a brief. However I find it extremley hard to research and distraction is a big part of my life. I am crying writing this message, afraid there is actually something wrong with me, why am i so confused?
    I hope anybody reading this could maybe relate to me (I know i’ve wrote a lot, but maybe some similarities?). I would love a response, thank you very much for your time. as i always say ‘I want to be the best I can be’.

  39. Is there is a way to simply help myself rather than going to get “screened” for being on the spectrum? This is not something I would want people to know, what if someone tries to take my child away saying I’m not a fit parent because of it? I have suspected I may be on the spectrum, but high functioning. I am living with my parents and at 25 have never had a job, don’t know how to drive a car, don’t have friends and am already alienated from my entire family with the exception of my parents. I want to cry, I think. People have always just thought that I am weird or messed up. I can’t hold eye contact, can’t tolerate loud noises, have texture issues, some repetitive behaviors, am told by my parents that I constantly find things to obsess over, am told that I constantly misinterpret peoples meanings and facial expressions. I work hard to function normally and find the effort exhausting when attempting to make friends or trying to make small talk with the neighbors to the point where I purposefully go out of my way to avoid them and those awkward and painful situations. I think I saw a comment that I disturbingly identified with, that psychiatrists diagnosed me with myriad disorders during adolescence and childhood: ADHD, OCD, Borderline Personality disorder, anxiety, depression, some variation of bipolar disorder, anger problems. How is it even possible to have so many disorders stuffed in one little brain? These things were declared official- ALL of them (which I still can’t/don’t believe), and then I was medicated throughout childhood, adolescence and early adulthood with a combination of antidepressants, antipsychotics, and ADHD meds like adderall with poor effects. I am now medication free, which I vastly prefer, and psychiatrist free (also preferred). I want to ignore this so so badly but as described above, have reason to believe my “quirks” (too many to fully list) correlate closely to the symptoms I have read. It does not help that the (most likely somewhat unreliable) online tests score me between 35 and 40 on the scale. Has anyone successfully brought themselves out of this on their own? And if so what has worked for you? I just want to be normal, and I am terrified that my child will experience the things that I have which include a lifetime of being bullied and shut away from people. I wish I had someone to talk to, but my parents would just yell at me and tell me I am obsessing again, and no offense to those already diagnosed but the entire thing makes my stomach hurt. Posting this comment is also making my stomach hurt, I don’t even know why I’m doing this.

  40. I’m 14 (almost 15) and suspect I have Aspergers. I am right now not in school and have been seeing many doctors and therapists who have diagnosed me with anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, and ADD. I’ve come to the conclusion that I think I have Asperger’s syndrome. I’ve been researching for almost a year now and I fit perfectly with the diagnostic criteria. When I first suspected that I had it I told my mom who said no you don’t have it. She was very apprehensive to the idea that I may not be perfect, but now my anxiety level has peaked and I have no social life so I don’t know how she thinks I’m perfect now. I’ve been recently debating whether or not to bring it up again. I Know that this is the correct diagnosis for me but I’m nervous to bring it up. Should I? If I should how do I go about talking about it. I feel that if I get help now, I might be able to get better or at least gain more tips on fitting in, since I understand that Aspergers is a lifelong diagnosis. Please help!

  41. This describes me scarily accurately I’ve always thought I was just odd and when I thought I might have aspergers I researched it more and all the symptoms matched me, and this article about being afraid I’m putting on and/ or being rejected made me feel better somewhat to see I’m not alone

  42. I’m 16 and haven’t been diagnosed but I know I have aspergers. I have a lot of the traits and it all makes sense to me personally with all the troubles or other things that I’ve been going through all these years. One of my best friends is on the spectrum too and I see our similarities in this way. If you want to know for sure, get diagnosed. If you know that you have it and you’ve done your research then it’s not necessary. Solid article

  43. I’m 16 and after doing a lot of research I really think I have Aspergers. I feel like I share a lot of symptoms but I’m scared to ask my parents for a diagnosis because they probably would judge me or refuse, and I also have constant doubts that I even have it. I’ve been researching for a whole year and it’s been an on and off pattern of suspicion and doubt, but reading this made me feel like maybe I really am an Aspie. It gave me a little more confidence, thank you.

    • I am in the exact same situation as you (except I am 17). I have been researching Aspergers for over 4 years and have not told anyone outside people on the internet about wanting to get a diagnosis. I don’t know what to do but I know that I have/want to talk to my parents about it.
      You’re not alone :)

  44. I have just cried, reading Leigh Forbes review, the exact words were used to explain every thought and emotion i have felt for the last 3 years but i have never been able to word. My reason for visiting this site is down to my son, he recently has been recognised for having similar symptoms, naturally i seek a reason for why my son out of many children has these symptoms and after reading up Aspergers i have been blaming myself, i too have the exact same symptoms yet i am not diagnosed as of yet. I am a young professional (26), successful and very grateful for everything i have, yet im left with questions unanswered, many “what if’s” and also my fears that my son being diagnosed with Aspergers may be the exact excuse that will result in him being sheltered too much, and not achieving all that he could if this was not recognised till later in life. Will i benefit from anything other than self clarity by being diagnosed at 26?
    Life’s always been difficult with expressing myself, putting anything into words, especially under pressure but ive put that down to lack of confidence. I fear its too late for me, ive already screwed up enough, but what is best for my son?

  45. I’m a sixteen year old girl, and I discovered a couple of months ago that my boyfriend has Asperger’s, so I’ve been doing a lot of research on it since then. However, the more I learned about it, the more I realized that I identify with a lot of the symptoms I’ve read about. I’ve researched Asperger’s before about a year ago when I was a sort of camp counselor and I learned that a kid in my group had Asperger’s. I actually identified with it a little bit then too, but I never gave it much thought until recently. All my life I’ve kind of felt a little “off” in a way, so when I started learning more about Asperger’s I kind of found the possibility of me having it as a bit of a relief, as the article says. I haven’t been diagnosed. I want to though, but I’m kind of scared to ask my mom for a diagnosis because I’m afraid she’ll think I’m just looking for attention or something, or an excuse to not act like a “normal” person. But I really do feel like I have Asperger’s. This article really helped, too, because while I did identify almost completely with the symptoms of Asperger’s, I was still afraid I was kind of a “wannabe” or that I was trying to be different from the crowd or something. So this article really assured me that I’m not, and that I have good reason to believe I might have Asperger’s. Anyway, I hope I’ll be able to get a proper diagnosis sometime, because I really need the proof (I especially identified with this article when it said that some people with Asperger’s need a diagnosis because they don’t want to be wrong, because they don’t want to add to that feeling of being wrong all your life. That is definitely something I deal with). I hope I can muster up the courage to ask my mom, and sometime soon. :)

  46. Hi I’m 25 and for about a year I have visited this site thinking should I leave a comment….
    I read up on aspergers and it seemed like a relief that I may have a answer to why I’m different it felt like the article was my medical record and I related to alot of the comments here as well but never had the courage to comment or a was anxious to get a reply that was nasty or if I was a poser or something I really go to the.doctors but I’m truly scared of what the out come my fiance to go as she says it would explain.alot from the past 5 year relationship I did do the aspire test and I did score high as well I honnestly don’t seem like a poser I anything.
    I’m really anxious/scared don’t know what to think can.some one help

  47. I got a 42. I have been DX with ADHD, Bipolar, OCD, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD. I wonder if all these DX could be misdiagnosed and I really am an Aspie.

  48. This site is so informative, as are the comments and contributions from everyone. Thank you all. My story is a bit long: I’m a tad confused at the moment. My daughter has ADD and when initially trying to find out what she had, I read lots about HSP’s and could really identify with that. Now, however, I’m starting to wonder whether I actually have Asperger’s. I’ve been having problems in my work for some time now: colleagus often find me very (=too) direct, whereas I just think I’m being professional. I have to say, though, that I’ve never really encountered this in other workplaces, so perhaps I just don’t fit into the organisation (now that I think about it though: there was another workplace where some colleagues thought I was socially a bit weird). I am quite black & white – I do recognise that. I’ve also had problems with some family mambers, for the same reason, plus the fact that I have a need to discuss things rationally, logically and analytically. If the content (analytical) side of things doesn’t seem to add up, then I try more and more to get to the bottom of things in order to understand them. This drives some people (e.g. my mother) mad. I need to be alone quite often. I can be very social and I enjoy social contact, but it costs me so much energy that I need to withdraw afterwards to recharge the battery. I feel the urge to comment on everything; can’t understand office politics; am very honest and don’t understand if others aren’t the same; I feel very awkward in group settings; am nervous meeting new people; never know what to say in a group; never know how to deal with people serving in bars or restaurants (what do I say? do I look them in the eye or not? how do I do that and for how long to I keep eye contact? etc. etc.); social chitchat bores me – I do try to join in, but after a while that also becomes too strenuous. I also get irritated when I overhear inane conversations in public: ‘why bother talking at all’, I then wonder… I read books ferociously and am crazy about films (on one holiday I went to 5 films a day). Words fascinate me; I get such a happy feeling just seeing the cyrillic alphabet; I have a small list of old-fashioned words that I love the sound of and drool if somebody uses them; I have a great eye for detail (particulary regarding words and numbers). I love looking at planes. I’m addicted to flea markets and 2nd hand clothes and can remember the price of every item in my (very big) wardrobe; where I bought it and often all other details as well (where; from whom; what was said; even what the weather was like). I only go to music concerts and after-parties alone because going with friends distracts from the intensity of my pleasure – I ignore/don’t look at anybody and have a great time dancing on my own all night. I compartmentalise all my friends into groups or categories and ensure that no group will ever meet or overlap. The same applies to any romantic partner I might have: I was married for 15 years and my husband (now ex-) met my best friend in total of about 5 times. Another ex- (3 year relationship) met my best friend once (the overlap was not planned and upset me very much). Most people think this is all very weird, but I can’t change myself (I have tried). As a child I was: painfully shy; needed to be alone; often played by myself; read ferociously; had to have an extremely tidy room with everything in place; had to have my hair and socks symmetrical at all times; had tantums at times and hit my head in frustration or broke/tore things (not very often though, thankfully); kept lists of books and reviews; loved numbers (budgetted from a young age; later this turned into calory-counting when I developed anorexia); developed a fascination with words beginning with ‘b’ and started applying this to all words, until my family were driven to distraction and forbade it; couldn’t choose which clothing style I liked best, so I developed a different persona to accompany the 2nd style, complete with a different name. I’ve had therapy several times in my life but none of the therapists ever mentioned Asperger’s, probably because I come across as very social. But taking a good, long look at everything I wonder: could I, might I have Asperger’s?

    • After reading your story, I have to say I identify with many of the same things. I am 22 and have suspected I have AS for a few years now, and it has really helped put a finger on so many oddities I’ve noticed in myself and personality.
      I grew up extremely shy and comfortable only with my family. I have had many failed attempts to make friends when I was younger and even though I have been vastly more able to talk to people it is like a chore. I have several “sets” of friends that I too make sure don’t interact and it is an awkward experience to have to introduce people. I get bored after being with friends in casual or club settings for a while and always have the urge to go home or be with myself, as you describe to ‘recharge.’ I am very uncomfortable playing my music around others but I like playing it loud when I am alone. It’s always been difficult for me to feel intimate with another person. I am gay and this was another feeling I’d supressed for the longest. I had my first boyfriend at 20, and I was thrilled but soon became horrified with who I became. I started becoming moody, and I tried to feel like I had control of everything and it soured after about 7 months when I realized I wasn’t in love, but desperate for the experiences of a high school romance. After that it was like something shattered and I have become the most cynical person. I had a strange obsession with vacuum cleaners about the age of four, and it had progressed to computers and now that I am an adult I find that I buy and sell cars like crazy because I obsess looking over a design, and little flaws greatly irritate me. I usually have to have all the brands of a type of product matching, for instance my furniture and electronics are from the same two companies.I am very good with language and have throught my life been commended on my English abilities even though other subjects took years to catch up. I notice words and take them apart for the word roots and therefore make connections to other languages or words. I don’t know why but it excites me. I tend to over analyze everything, especially people’s emotions and choices which has led me to being very mistrustful of others. while I’m talkative, I feel that I keep ,most of my thoughts to myself. I have never asked for a diagnosis but it has become something I need to address. I am almost 23 and I have been unemployed for about two years. It’s not that I’m incompetent, in fact I think I have an above average understanding of concepts, but I feel no push to want to work, and I think it’s the agony of going through an interview is what off puts me among other things.
      I have never gotten to Tell my friends about my suspected AS, since I feel my friends will brush it off as a new idea I’ve come up with even though this has been on my mind for years. I wish this came out a little more organized but I am trying to rush this flood of thoughts out onto paper.

      Thank you to the site and all the commenters.

      • Wow. That’s all I can say right now. I related to your story so well. I am a 24 year old female. My mother used to be my best friend and only friend until I moved away and now have no friends. I wish I could have a friend. There’s people that I think I’d like to have as my friend because we can talk a lot, once I get started talking I never stop. But I have no idea how to make them want to be my friend. We talk at work, but I doubt they will ever be my friend outside of work. I cannot make friends because I have a very strong personality and i get bossy about everything. I undermine peoples authority and don’t mean to or I’ll be a complete bi***. And I do not mean to be. I become defensive around people and try to get them to like me through material things. I have a very hard to.e holding down jobs. I tend to call in all the time because I just won’t be feeling like going in. If with a friend, I get anxious and have to leave not long after to be at home by myself. I always have anxiety. While driving in my car I think everyone stares at me. If someone is making too much noise I become very annoyed and pissed off quickly. My main concern. Is not knowing how to have friends. I didn’t like a particular person and when I heard the girl that I thought could be my friend tell the other girl that they might possibly see each other this weekend, I became very upset. I felt betrayed for I don’t know what reason. I have become very nasty towards the girl I don’t like, but this is because she is silent around me and I cannot start a conversation and she tries to boss me around which is not happening. Why are other people chosen as friends but no one chooses me?

  49. I’m pretty sure I have Asperger’s, from getting a consistent 36-40 range on the AQ to being able to check off MANY of the traits of AS. The opening paragraphs of this article sound exactly like my thought process right now.

    I want to move on to the stage where I can mourn the childhood I could have had if my AS had been identified. I’ve been thinking about all the episodes in my childhood that would be explained by Asperger’s, but my Asperger’s only ever made life difficult, not debilitating.

    I can’t afford to get a diagnosis and I don’t really need one, except perhaps for closure and vindication. I’ve come out as an Aspie to my friends, but I’m afraid to tell my family, because I know my parents (mostly my mom) will say, “you don’t have Asperger’s! You’re just making that up because you’re so self-critical! There’s always got to be something wrong, doesn’t there!” (“Well no, mom, but I can’t help noticing when things aren’t right. It’s a symptom of Asperger’s.”) See, my two brothers have debilitating ADHD. I was always the only “normal” one, even though I was never normal. I learned how I was “supposed” to behave an imitated that from a young age, but when I’m truly myself and not wearing this mask, I’m straight-up Asperger’s. If I’m not normal, my parents will feel like they have no normal children and they’ll fight with me about it. So I want a diagnosis, but as I’ve adjusted pretty well to having Asperger’s, I don’t really need one except for evidence.

    I’m afraid of being rejected, ultimately. My friends have been pretty excepting, although one “friend” who’s never even known me in real life said, “you seem normal to me.” I’m not sure whether she was trying to dismiss my announcement or trying to encourage me, but either way, I’m not normal and I don’t appreciate the comment. But anyway, I’m afraid of being rejected. I’m so happy to know, finally, “what’s wrong with me.” I don’t want to lose that. Any thoughts?

  50. I think I might have adpburgers. I am a woman, as I look back on my life I guess you could say I hid myself. Or I just ignored my feelings till now. I am extremely aggressive towards My friends. I constantly bite or over power them in anyway I can to show Dominance and I don’t know why. My mom tells me I am a bully and I need to stop. I recently lost my dad, he had adpburgers. I use to copy how calm he use to be towards people but now that he is gone it’s like I am getting worse. I am obsessed with computers and video games I spend money I do not have on these particular items of interest. I hate shopping and I hate leaving the house for long periods of time. If I am out more than 1 hour I get angry and I try to hide it. When I am with my mom I try my hardest to hide who I really am and that makes me stressed and aggravated. I can not tell my mother that I think I have adpburgers, I have been diagnosed With add when I was a kid. The doctors misdiagnosed me. Also I can not afford to go to a doctor. All I really want is clarification and maybe some help on my aggression.

  51. Such a great post, thank you!

    I had a 3 hour conversation with a professional who offers assessment conversations (because paying for a diagnosis requires a really good economic situation), and she confirmed my suspision of aspergers/autism. My family members don’t believe me even after having spoken to this expert, but we almost don’t speak about now. It hurts me that they are unvilling to try to really understand, and I am afraid that more efforts to try and get them to understand would just drain me. It is so energy consuming to have to defend yourself like that.

    It is perhaps a year nor since I spoke to this professional and I still struggle with doubts and feel fake. Like I am a fake aspie. Reading you post made me remember why I am not!!
    Thank you so much for that.

  52. I want to know, what good is it to know if I do or do not have Aspergers? I just did an Asperger’s test. 34 and up is “likely.” I got 40. I guess what I’m saying is “So what?” I’ve struggled all my life (I’m 59) and I expect I will continue to do so until the day I die. Putting a name to it doesn’t make it go away. :-(

  53. This article was perfect after reading a host of other articles on aspergers, you pretty much nailed it. I’m 20 and it just hit me a few days ago that I might have aspergers since reading about aspergers online literally feels like I’m reading some sort of secret diary about my life… I was somehow convinced that I was the only one, but all the online tests say somthing along the lines of: “you have a 87.32% chance of being an aspie” which is probably the biggest relief and simultaneous slap to the face I’ve ever had. I’m so glad to see all these comments of people going through similar struggles… Not that struggling makes me happy, you get the picture. Personally, I was diagnosed with ADHD in the first grade and given lots of adderall, though I never really thought it was a totally accurate diagnosis. I had one friend in elementary school because I did his homework, and a few friends here and there who would eventually learn to avoid me over a period of time, though I never minded too much because they always added an element of uncertainty to my day that I would rather not deal with. Mostly I would just be upset because I could tell I was an outcast. I work as a lifeguard even though I hate it. We have one blatantly honest guard besides myself, and she tells me what people are saying about me behind my back… It turns out people aren’t really as nice as they would want you to think, so I’m not sure why they care if I’m not nice, but whatever. Anyways, working at the pool is like some sort of perfect way to show my symptoms… I will save you from reading a research paper on what I am experiencing by letting you use your imagination: aspergers+loud children+bosses and patrons that assume I can read their minds = nightmare+ money(obviously I get paid). Also I have an incredibly difficult time talking to girls I like,… I walk up to them, start to talk, then my brain shuts off mid sentence and causes a terribly awkward situation, I can only ask girls out by text message, not that it matters as long as it works. Also I do have a sense of very dry humor which is one of the only aparant differences between me and someone who perfectly fits the diagnosis, but I think it is just because I tell people how I feel so bluntly and unexpectedly that they find it funny. I don’t want to tell anyone though because i know they won’t believe me. There are two kids with aspergers in our community, and people literally believe they are psychopaths. They aparantly suspect that I may be a serial killer because I have the personality of stereotypical serial killers as seen on TV, but an aspergers diagnosis would confirm those suspicions for them. I am friends with one of the kids with aspergers, he is actually very friendly if you know how to talk to him, same goes for me. I don’t know the other kid though, hopefully he’s doing ok.

  54. I am 13 and I have been diagnosed since i was 7, my parents have never talked to me about about it and I’m always afraid to ask. I think they just don’t want me to feel sorry about myself. My parents are divorced btw.

  55. I believe I have Aspergers (It would certainly explain my life), and at 33 I finally discovered what Aspergers was and at 35 I pulled up enough courage to visit and ask a doctor, the doctor thought it was certainly plausible and refereed me to a specialist, my referral was denied, they then did a paid referral to a specialist which was also denied… I have now been offered CBT with no chance of a diagnosis, I feel I need a diagnosis to move on with my life but am not trapped in the limbo between knowing and not knowing and that really hurts my head.

    The doctor was nice so I don’t want to complain but the system is terrible, however if I do complain there’s a chance they will phone me (I don’t like speaking on phones to people I don’t know, I don’t even like speaking to people I do know).

    I kind of need help on what to do but preferably in writing as I’m not very good with the whole social aspects of life and don’t like arguments which I feel a complaint of this nature would induce.

    If I ever get an appointment to see a specialist I will have to bite the bullet and go but till then I’m stuck in a limbo where everyone just thinks I’m that weird guy.

  56. First of all, I must give you props for being a brilliant writer! Thank you for this beautiful piece that just in its’ introductory, explanatory purpose provides also incredible moral support to people that suffer with this anomaly. Your words are the words in my head, the feelings you convey are also what I feel. We are not robots or zombies as so many like to paint us (only because of our perceived lack of expressed emotion.) We are humans like everyone else with souls, fears, doubts, dreams and goals. We feel joy, pain, frustration and embarrassment despite what our outter facade displays. In fact I’m willing to bet we feel MORE than non-aspies so much that we can’t even show it outwardly (joke.) But really personally I can attest that I shut down when the feelings are too overwhelming whether in quantity or quality. A lot of the time I can’t even identify what I’m feeling just that I’m feeling something and it’s all encompassing to my psyche. The empathy I have for others is so intense, that I literally almost feel their pain like I’m the one going through it. I feel their pain and mine. I am highly sensitive, compassionate and loving. Just because I don’t like hugs without prior knowledge that I’m getting them first, doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy physical affection. Just because mouth to mouth kissing isn’t my thing, doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy romance. I enjoy solitude and being left alone more times than not but when I am around others, I put off a positive and eager to please vibe. I just need my recharge time from the constant inundation of external stimuli. I need my peace from always having to “act” in a way that is both acceptable and appealing to others. The mental toll that it takes is so beyond exhausting that most days, even as a healthy 24 year old woman I literally feel as tired as I feel an old woman would feel. I also suffer with stomach pain and intestinal abnormalities. Most of the time I feel pain in any given part of my body as well. I always ache. I would liken it to the description of fibromyalgia. I enjoy relishing in the beauty of nature, the smells of life & the feelings of textures. Little things like the smell of soap from bath and body works bring me lasting pleasure. I don’t care for small chit-chat, I like to embibe about topics with a philosophical approach, even somehow managing to make “small-talk” “big-talk” in attempt to maintain my own interest with the person/people I am talking to. To be honest, I find most people dull. I find them uncreative and stifled. I similarly find them grossly repressed and overly-concerned about “fitting-in” with society. To me, that’s a snooze. Why do people all want to be the same? That’s the biggest question I have about non-autism effected people. Why do you all extend such efforts to be almost uniformly indentical?

  57. Man reading these comments it like seeing my life aswell in many ways.

  58. Sorry for the spelling mistakes. Hope you can read.

  59. Hi, I stumbled across Tia website when I was looking up symptoms for an as refers syndrome, I also looked at this site and approximately 90% of the symptoms apy to me. I’m always being told I’m weird, I’m to seriouse, I can’t take criticism or correction. I’m told I’m cruel, nasty, arrogant and that I need to work on my charge tee constantly by my parents and fily members at home. I’m always the last to laugh at a joke and always the first and most of the time only one to laugh at my own jokes. I’m always getting irritated and annoyed when interrupted and don’t like to be taken of my own goals. I know there is something different about me, but also when At school I can hide these things but with great effort, and try my best to act as normal as I can and as normal as the word normal means in society, but not very often successful in this. I’m to worried to tell my parents I think I have asbergers because I’ve calculated the chances of them laughing at me and telling me I’m stupid for thinking it, they will just tell me to stop being arrogant and to work on my character again. My life is very rarely enjoyable at home and I just want answers but am to worried to do anything. And also recently I’ve started getting very violent again towards property at home, i could go on and on but i wont. Please if you have any more relevant advice it would be gratefully appreciated.

  60. It makes me sad reading this page and the comments of people who feel different, and yet, believe they need a label to accept themselves for who they are! What is going on here? Perhaps it’s the Asp that creates this type of thinking? I just don’t know! What I do know is that I have a child with Asp, whom I’ve worked very hard to teach that she has no limitations! There are people without legs and arms in this world who do not use their disability to limit themselves! They play golf, swim, etc.. My daughter is a little different, yes! Different from every-single-person in this world.. No two people are exactly alike.. No one is ‘normal’.. You have the nonconformist and the conformist and that’s it! I would suggest to you that all people behave differently in public.. Everyone puts their best face forward and that shouldn’t end with a label called Asperger’s! Everyone feels like they’re different, judged, and that no one understands them. That’s a fact! Studies prove it! Lol Aspies aren’t different in that way! Maybe it’s just me, but I have been surrounded by people with ‘differences’ my entire life.. My mother was born with one hand, my grandmother had polio, my cousin has moderate cerebral palsy, my father is mentally ill, my husbands brother has severe Cerebral Palsy and my child has ASD.. Truth be told, my husband does, too! None of these people needed a label, nor did they want one. It’s an insult for people to use a label or to set limitations for someone based on their ‘differences’. Every single one of these wonderful people worked to their full potential. They never complained, nor did they allow their difference to interfere with their lives! ( all but my husbands brother who could not change his circumstances) They could do anything they wanted to do and could care less about the opinions of the cancer in society who tries to make people feel less than! News flash – those people judge everyone! I think it’s common for Aspies to focus more on the negative than the positive.. You have to dismiss the words of unhappy people.. Trust me, happy people don’t judge others!

    Having a child with high functioning ASP.. Her diagnosis didn’t change anything in her life – except , maybe, added to her pain of feeling different. It doesn’t help her socially to tell people she has ASP.. How could it? People will either accept you or not.. As for the middle aged menaces of the world who actually think someone’s personality, style and friends are important – they lack everything that would make them friend worthy to begin with. Isn’t the world a little more complex than that? Yes! They have No wisdom, no character! Fact is, if they had ever faced a difficult moment is their comfortable lives, they wouldn’t find superficial things like appearance important to a friendship. And – they would adapt to your personality in your company! I can only speak for myself, but if you have no limitations, you can carry in a conversation with a scientist, or a homeless man.. You can talk to anyone! I’ve always been drawn to eccentric people.. I love it! I also love bringing people out of their shell. That’s how life is supposed to be! That’s how communication works.. If I’m talking to you, and you’re struggling with what to say next – I, as a non-Aspie- should be able to sense that and ask a specific question. People who just stare, waiting for you to speak, are struggling to pick up on why you aren’t answering the question – ‘how are you’
    Do we now label them Aspies too?

    What I truly don’t understand is that I can look at my child along with her peers and every one of them has similar characteristics. My daughter isn’t comfortable talking to strangers.. The other kids in her class who feel uncomfortable talking to people whom they do not know are called shy.. My daughter is called different or weird. My daughter struggles in math.. She’s said to have trouble with problem solving, due to her ASD. Her classmates struggle with math and it’s said ” she’s not good at math”.. My daughter doesn’t know what to do when someone is mean to her.. Kids are bullied everyday because they, too, don’t know what to do when someone is mean to them.. In my daughters case, she is judged by her label! Weird or odd! Do you understand that everyone is the same, yet different! We’re the same because we’re all different. No matter the reason, people handle situations differently, and the same, for different reasons! We can label every person we meet with something if that’s what we choose to do.. I think seeking a label to explain your behavior is the act of an insecurity. And you’re struggling to accept yourself. This is not about societies judgments, because society judges everyone! For example, I avoid confrontation with my less than kind family members. If and/or when they’ve hurt me, I will avoid them until I’m over my feelings if hurt, just to avoid confrontation.. My mother was the same – it’s a learned behavior!
    My family judges me for going extended periods of time without checking in with them and I know that avoiding them is better than the alternative! I’m going to be judged either way, you see! So, I choose the lesser of the two unfavorable actions.

    I don’t want my daughter to lean on her label, ever! The only reason she has a label is because she needed an IEP and I had no choice but to have her tested. She didn’t know she had Asp until this year – 12 years old. I didn’t want her to think she’s different and there’s no use in trying to be socially acceptable. Fact is, everyone is faking their socially acceptable persona. Everyone! Everyone does things in the privacy of their home that they wouldn’t dare do in public.. Not just my Aspie child! Think about that for a minute! It’s true! Some people are more uninhibited than others, but everyone hides things about themselves in public.. And they should! Some thing’s just shouldn’t be forced upon others.. My daughter, at 12, understands what socially acceptable behaviors are and she wouldn’t want to embarrass herself or others by doing anything embarrassing in public. A label doesn’t change that…
    I truly hope you all learn to love who you are – without a label to support your actions. You are who you are! And believe it or not, you’re not that much different from everyone else.

    • Me thinks, the lady doth protest too much.

      If having a label didn’t matter you wouldn’t have needed one for your daughter. Aspies are not neuro-typical its that simple the brain experiences stimuli different to a neuro-typical person and its not a cop out. Its fact in my case it explains why I have atypical responses to many chemicals from caffeine to nausea meds. I don’t think anyone wants it so they have a crutch but wouldn’t you want to know that you have astigmatism and can go get glasses to make it better? Its exactly the same thing with Aspies we can talk to each other about things that a neuro-typical might laugh at as ridiculous. We have enough similarities in HOW we experience the world that being able to identify means with which to manage those challenges is a helpful tool. I have been poked at and derided and each time I made a concerted effort to CHANGE not who I am but how I relate so that other people are more comfortable that still leaves me with the stress of behaving in a way that is not NATURAL for me and this is stressful. Knowing I’m not alone is a blessing and I take strength from knowing others are out there who really GET how challenging it is to live in a world where I literally miss half the message because I struggle to understand the ‘sub-text’. Yet through all that I have acquired several qualifications and held down a full time job successfully since I was a teenager. I don’t use being an Aspie as an excuse and your commentary is very insulting. Everyone is different however not EVERYONE literally doesn’t see emotional sub-text. I haven’t let it stop me trying or learning ways to get around my challenge or compensating for it.

      I find the tone of your comment a bit insulting. Its like saying knowing you’re a girl versus boy makes no difference. Physiologically – yes it makes a hell of a difference and too many other ways to name.

    • Don’t be sad, it seems to me that you don’t want to accept the fact that your son is different. Being different is not bad!!! Is great, we FEEL different, our mind is different, we just want to be recognized as what we are. We recognize each other as equals and having a name for what makes us who we are completes our identity. We are not better nor worse than NTs, we are just what we are. White people, black people, asian people, we are all the same, we are all humans but we are also proud of our ethnics, well having aspergers is another way of being a particular kind of human. Being an aspie is both a gift and a curse, just like being NT is a gift and a curse. If you pay close attention to the comments you’ll find out that what gives us comfort is the idea of being accepted and recognized as what we are, instead of telling us we are not much different to you, try to learn about our uniqueness and enjoy diversity! :)

    • This is very true. I have a sister-in-law that lived with us for a while. She also had a 2 year old child and refused to get up with her. Wouldn’t feed her until it noon. She would stay up until 3 am when her child got up at 8am then complain that she couldn’t sleep the night before drop the hold off with us and go back to bed. When she was tired of my mother making her get up at a decent hour she moved with my sister. My sister fears people walking in her house. Since she lives in the city so she locks her doors when she is in and out of the house. Asked my sister in law to do the same and as a result when my sister would leave the house my sister in law would too but left our of a side door so the front was always locked. Her hold screams when told no or nap or anything she asks of her. So she quit asking and the child quit napping. And pottying. When confronted she would say she screams and doesn’t want to. This 2 year old runs (still) my brother and his wife’s lives. Child grunts and screams for what she wanted and still they give in. Now my sister in laws excuse for this laziness I call it is that she herself has high functioning autim. She looked it up found out how people acted and went to the dr who agreed that yes she does. I don’t know. She acts different when my brother is with her. She does look up crazy and wild ideas off the internet and wants to have an argue with me or my dad about what she found on Wikipedia. Now because her daughter is out right difiant and throws a fit when she doesn’t get her way now her daughter is going to become autistic. When I had the girl for 2 months without her parents as they went to CO. I put her in a schedule and set boundries. She was fine with me. Now that she’s with them she has reverted back to screaming. She hardly speaks enough as it is as her mother wouldn’t talk to her because she had her face glued in her iPad reading the latest wiki inforum. I’m not saying autism is fake I also want to know why do people not want to take consequences for their actions and just put a label on themselves. Which is what she has done and now is going to do it to her child rather than discipline. Like I said I don’t know her train of thought but after the drama that occurs when she is here alone without my brother it just seems to me as more of an attention getter.

      Stop the labels and accept the consequences of your actions.

    • Thank you for this words of truth. It says all I’d like to say but I am great at maths and not in expressing myself in writing as well as you do. Wld someone now label me ‘abnormal or aspie’ ? Non aspies wld for sure ;0)

    • Hey Beth, should we assume that a mentally retarded or Down syndrome person or a non-verbal Autistic person should not have extra assistance, when 18 years old let’s just send them out to the street and tell them to get a job? How about this….lets reverse the Disability Act, we don’t need handi-cap spaces etc or elevators, those that can’t walk can just figure it out, they don’t need crutches or walkers, or a wheel chair, they can just figure it out. ….because if you met me at 14 years old, I would have at some point told you that “hey isn’t it cool, I can name every Michael Jackson song in order in less than 3 minutes,” and tell you the year/month it was released and it’s chart performance and sales. Or bordering on “harassing” ex-friends because I didn’t understand more subtle communication such as flirtation and “taking the hint” from those that were politely ending a friendship/courtship. I received comments like, how is that you are so good at Chess when you are not that smart, and at age 35 with a Bachelors degree/ 3.5 gpa get told by a Target manager that they think I have a learning disability. When I was 18 years old I dropped from an average weight of 135 to 95 lbs, because I only had money for rent and didn’t believe in stealing, I went weeks without eating. My mother never brought me food because she thought…”I didn’t think it was that bad.” and (without asking) it was a huge inconvenience of course but my dad took me to get some food. I had three sexual predators approach me that year while I had to walk the streets looking for work. I can get casually told that I may have an obsessive disorder, or an avoidant personality disorder, chronic depression/anxiety diagnosis…. but suggest that it may actually be higher functioning autism for official explanation…! you prefer to just call me all kinds of names like creepy, stupid, smartest stupid person, and the like……but official Autism spectrum…No, I said all those things repeatedly to you…..but no I was just kidding there is nothing wrong with you, I just don’t feel like giving you a job or I am going to start making your job so unbearable that you have to leave, so go live on the streets. Creepy stupid yes….but some medical term that validates that you may struggle in social communication and have fixations, sensory impairment that leads to chronic stress, well verbal abuse is valid treatment for you but medical validation is too good for you, because if you can’t function as well as most, then if you die in the cold or starve to death, we can just call it something else that way you won’t regret ignoring those people that might have had special needs. ….what? in Kindgarden they pulled you out for testing….something having to do with concentration… and all through grade school you needed 2 hours of one on one help, and you barely passed high school years and needed medication for stress/anxiety depression…. no none of that was a hint…deny deny deny….

  61. I have an undiagnosed 38 year old asperger’s co worker and its really tough having to work with him. We work in customer service (bar) and his moods are up and down. He’s Aggressive when things don’t go his way, yells at myself & other co workers all the time, He’s paranoid & thinks only negative thoughts, he’s destructive of company belongings.. Often he zones out and draws pictures, stabs the chopping boards with steak knives or uses sharp knives to cut up clipboards. He gives no eye contact to co workers or customers. Out of all the fights we have in our bar between customers and even staff – he’s responsible for 98% of them- because of his poor interpersonal skills. Every staff member has complained about him and his aggression to management and management are at a loss as to what to do. I feel sorry for him as everyone knows there’s something “not right” with him. But no one wants to tell him he shows all the signs of aspergers. What should I do? I dont want to quit my job because I have to work so many hours with him each week. Im tired of listening to him repeat himself and only talk about himself, then get angry then become aggressive and bullying me ( he has even physically hurt me more than once) – I’m burning out and losing my patience, I need help and I need tips to deal with this man. I am too scared of his rage to tell him I think he’s got aspergers, but then I feel so sorry for him, that it’s so obvious to everyone at work yet he’s oblivious & thinks life is just a horrible struggle. I have a 6 year old autistic nephew and I have seen the wonderful progress his therapy does. I would really love this man to get a diagnosis so he could receive some help and support to make his life and everyone elses around him a more positive experience. He still lives at home with his mother also and he’s terribly mean to her as well, please help with some tips if anyone has any. I would be very grateful. Thanks :)

  62. As far back as I can remember I have always had friends but I also remembered something was missing, like I was missing out or something….like I was in the same room but I was more distant
    I remembered I was always singled out of the group, even though they were my friends….
    Now when I was in high school it was more obvious…. I was always bullied….ever since then I got even more distant and I preferred it… this carried with me until college….the bullying stopped but I was still ostracized and I took comfort in it… I never make any reliable relationships, not even with family members….. some people comment that I am weird, which I also have realized…I have certain quirks that even I would admit to be weird…..
    I was searching online and I found this site…after reading some of the comments it was like reading a short summary of my high school life….
    I have most of the signs of Asperger’s except for the eye contact thing…. I grew up with the tips to look someone in the eye when reporting, guess it stuck with me….other than that though…..
    I just want to confirm it though……or at least have someone hear my story

  63. This article made me laugh and cry at the same time. It’s so profound to have to argue with my family ( most of which have confirmed ASD, Asperger’s, OCD ) about whether I am an Aspie or not. It’s unbelievable that my wife , who has real world experience with Autism in her own family and now our son who has PDD ( high functioning ), treats me like I am a stupid ass and that I am purposely doing things to her to upset her. HAHA, imagine that. She has no idea that there are certain functional differences in my brain that just make me act a certain way, and say things that some people would consider heartless. It’s not that I do not have sympathy and even empathy, but I desire answers and I expect people who have physical and mental issues to admit them and stop pretending that they are healthy, stop whining, and look for solutions. If there are no solutions, then I have total sympathy. This is just exactly the way people always treat me.
    I have a very high IQ and use it to create amazing things and to self-teach to the point where I can learn anything and instantly have expertise at it. This has not done me all that much good so far, but I am hoping that saying “I am an Aspie, now suck it up you assholes and let me be who I am” will help a lot . Looking for a professional evaluation soon so that I can express my needs to certain people and entities that surround me. Then I can go back to being who I know I am and stop pretending to be “normal” so that others will be able to accept me into their world.

    • That’s exactly how I feel! I’ve always known there was something wrong with the way my brain functions. I’m so very tired of people telling me I’m depressed, and should ‘just get over it’. How stupid do they think I am? If I could just get over it, I would do so. I am who I am, I have accepted it, but they refuse to. With a diagnosis confirming I have asperger’s, I would no longer feel any need to explain myself to anyone, and be content to simply inform them to fuck off and leave me be.

  64. Thanks. I think I have asperger’s, I totally relate to everything. But when I told my mom she shrugged it off and didn’t want to listen to me. She just kept watching the Sochi Olympics and talking with my dad. Is it possible to get a diagnosis from the school nurse? I’m 15.

    • Daniel, good for you for broaching this subject with your parents!!

      I have a son (9 years old) who may be aspie, so I hope I can give you some comfort from a parent’s point of view! It’s really scary for a parent to confront the possibility of their child being aspie — not because they’re not interested or it makes things complicated for them, but because they love you so much, they *always* want to do what’s best for you, and with Asperger’s, we just don’t KNOW what’s best!

      I always thought, as a parent, I would just have instincts. I could trust my gut to tell me what was right and wrong for my kids, that in the end, I knew best. But it scares me to think that I *really* don’t know (yet!) what’s best for my son, if he does turn out to be aspie. So here I am, reading, learning, trying to understand what it does and does not mean. I know I’ll get it right in the end, but it will take some time.

      So I hope you give your parents a chance. They may be in denial, but it’s really hard for us. You may have to take the lead on this for a while, but once they see you’re serious, and that this will *HELP* you, they’ll jump in!!

      As for talking to the school nurse, I doubt they can give you a diagnosis, but they *can* give you more confidence to move forward! It’s worth talking to them, and if they say: “Yes, you have reason to want to proceed with a diagnosis”, then they can guide you to the next steps. And if they don’t agree, well, I think you KNOW! You’re here, after all. It’s a matter of finding the right resources, the right people to support you — and wait for your parents to catch up. :)

      Good luck!

  65. It’s more a case of Aspie and Neurotypal that forms the structure for Autism I would assume that a percentage of Aspie traits decide the classifications Asperger is combination of the two but I can only speak of my experience and knowledge.

    But there’s a lot of stuff that doesn’t add up on the net its not as simple as a eye colour or skin tone its biodiversity, evolutionary have you ever wondered why a mind would be more machine like in nature and slower to develop but yield a higher intelligence. I would say genome over syndrome it all comes down to the right stimuli as children and the right support. I wish you well and remember social skill can be learnt.

  66. I am 25 year old woman and I think I got AS. Most of the symptoms discribe me perfectly and I got 169/200 aspie score on the (33/200 for NT score to compare with). I first heard about Asperger’s when I was 17 and my grandma sent me to a psychiatrist that “specialise in Autism”. Unfortunatelly at this time I was like: “I am just a normal teenager. Who cares I act wierd?! I got my own reasons! I am not crazy! What can YOU know about ME?!” and after realising the therapy is 100PLN per hour (its quite a lot – my parents wage at that time was about 1500PLN/month) and “one hour won’t be enough if they find out there is something wrong with you” I did everything to get diagnosed as a normal person. I put on my “good impression” mask to act perfectly normal and explained I got no boyfriend because I decided to focus on school and most boys my age are plain dumb. What’s true I complained a little about the sound outside window (whose idea was it to set a therapy room with windows heading to a highway? – it was driving me crazy for the whole long hour!) but I quess it was not enough for the psychiatrist to see though my act.
    Now I wonder if I should go there once again but I don’t want to waste so much money (I am unemployed and 100PLN is 2 months of my “pocket money” that I get from grandparents, I got some savings but still, 100PLN per hour is crazy amount!). As far I know there is no free Aspie diagnosis in my country (Poland). Besides. I tricked the psychiatrist once so I could easly trick him again. I could get any diagnosis I wanted. I wonder. Maybe I am just tricking myself too?

    • Hi Ana, if I recall right, there’s actually a foundation in Poland which specializes in Asperger’s syndrom diagnoses. Nevertheless I’ve heard that one needs to wait quite a long time, like at least a few months, to get his or her term of visit. As I know, it is NFS donated foundation so the diagnosis is free. Cheers

  67. I think I have aspergers. On the aspie test, my aspie score was 168 out of 200, and my NT score was 49 out of 200. My AQ result was 44. I am 12 years old. I have a few close friends, who I can talk to fairly easily, but talking to almost anyone else is extremely hard for me. In my classroom, I am simply labeled as the quiet one, the creepy one. I find it hard to carry on a conversation or even start one. It is also difficult for me to look people in the eye for a long time. When I am nervous or stressed, I tend to twist my fingers around each other,sometimes so violently it hurts me. I often go into a state where I stare off into the distance, thinking, and often must be physically shaken to bring me back to reality. I often can’t tell when someone is being sarcastic. I am also kind of clumsy( not sure if this is related to that, just thought I’d mention it), often tripping over my own feet and everything around me. I once walked directly into a pole because I was so lost in thought. I am good in English and Spanish, and read at a post high school level, however I am not as good in math and am in the lowest math class for my grade. I also have significant speech, hearing AND sight problems. My mom doesn’t believe me when I tell her that I think I have aspergers. Any tips?

  68. Thank you for your page. We have recently been confronting my 15 year old son’s Asperger’s and helping him deal with some issues – as I began to delve into Aspergers some bells went off for me. I wondered “What is it like in girls?” I opened a large chart on line of characteristics and I was absolutely stunned. I am 44 years old and I feel like my entire childhood, school experience and teen years feel right into place. Even ways I relate now and traits I have – suddenly all made sense – right down to the sensory issues I have with clothing, food and chemical sensitivities, obsessive interests that consume me until I move onto something else, and all that junk in my childhood where I just didn’t have a desire to have friends and enjoyed being home and having my own interests that we of course, TOTALLY different from everybody else’s. My kindergarten report card “has trouble changing tasks. ” Second grade” “Gets overwhelmed easily.” I was told I was shy….or stubborn….or just overwhelmed. I even had a sixth grade teacher that I ran into when I was a teen, tell me that I was “in a fog” as a child…and that “you still are”. (boy would I love to put my foot up her fat rear end right now!!! But as aspies, we don’t often catch how to react quickly to an insult, do we?)
    Now it all makes sense. I rejoice in who I am because now all the pieces fit. And it’s okay. I’m happy and I have been for years….without knowing it. Now that I know it, it’s still okay and I’m still happy. I taught myself social skills – I guess – because I learned them at some point – I now have lots of friends. I have a wonderful husband and four great kids. Yup, I’m the silly mom who throws on rain boots when it’s not raining, or does cartwheels on the lawn in bare feet. I’m scatty, disorganized and I still get overwhelmed easily…but at least now I understand who I am. It is not something to mourn, in my opinion, it’s just a challenge to undertake. Now I’m trying to be more aware in conversations “Am I paying attention to the other person?” etc. It’s just set of skills to learn and continuously hone. Thanks for all the information!

  69. I’m a 13 year old girl and for about a year now I’ve been suspecting that I have Asperger’s and I want to see about getting a diagnosis soon. Thank you for all the articles that you’ve wrote because you have helped me realize that I’m just weird and need to change to fit into the same mold that others fit into, that I can just be my odd little self with not consequences, but something more like a reward. This is the 5th time I’ve rewrote this small paragraph over the past 20 minutes, so I’m just going with this, : ), but once again thank you for all the articles you’ve posted on this website.

  70. I am a 43 year old male. Looking back as early as sixth grade I began to show some of the symptoms. I am kind of in big trouble. I know its Aspergers. Since I moved out on my own at age 23 I spend most/all of my time alone and my condition has steadily gone downhill. I work from home. I have spoken to my doctor but he dismisses my self-diagnosis. I dont have any friends. I have given up on ever having a relationship. Im at the point now where I dont leave home any more for food. Im not feeling sorry for myself, but recently I think my only real option is to stop eating and fade away. I dont want to hurt my family but I cant express myself coherently to anyone.

    • Hi Scott, I’m sure a lot of people looking at this site will be able to relate to how you feel. I know I do. The isolation that comes from working alone is hard for anyone, but when that is compounded with Asperger’s – and going out becomes as myriad of social obstacles – it is so much harder. And relationships? Yeah, a minefield.

      I am sorry your doctor rejected your self-diagnosis – this is a common problem for adult aspies (I had it too), but there is nothing to stop you seeing another doctor, if you think a formal diagnosis would help. Take another look at the paragraph about about going to the doctor; I would stress the need to identify your symptoms in terms the doctor will understand (i.e. The Triad of Impairments), and WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN!! Otherwise, there are plenty of coping strategies that you can put into effect without a formal diagnosis, depending on your own particular set of issues.

      Please don’t let yourself fade away – although I can understand the temptation. There is a better life out there, it’s just a question of finding it. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 40, and three years later I am still gradually sorting myself out. It is a long process, but I am getting there. You can too.

      You CAN express yourself coherently to the aspie community, because we understand the issues involved! There are many active groups of autistic adults on the internet: I have found great support via facebook and twitter in particular. It’s not right for everyone, but I will start by recommending the facebook group Aspie Adults – closed group” (‘closed’, because posts are only visible to members). If you send a request to join, you will be accepted. I found A LOT of support there.

  71. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and I always knew he was different but recently, it dawned on me that there could be a reason why. I need to talk to him about the possibility because for one, I want to help him in the areas of his life where he struggles, and two, I need to know if he is an aspie before I decide if we should have biological children together.

    Our very first date, he dominated the conversation the whole time. The times we hung out after that, his conversations about work were very detailed and intense and I almost broke up with a him a few times because it was so intense but I got used to it over time.

    He makes a clicking sound with his tongue when he’s relaxing. He is very literal, doesn’t catch on to sarcasm and is extremely logical and mathematically brilliant. He doesn’t really make me laugh as his sense of humour is almost non existent. He never says my name he’s never told me that he loves me. If he wants to engage in sexual activity, he simply puts his arm around me in bed and this is how I know he wants to have sex.

    His father is similar in his personality traits and acts strange and dominates the conversation as well. They both aren’t able to read body language and understand when the person they are speaking to has heard enough. I do believe that they both look into your eyes when they are speaking. But when my boyfriend is preparing to say something, he takes a lot of time and you can tell the wheels are turning in his head and he does not look at you when saying something serious.

    When we go to parties, my boyfriend’s behavior is bizarre and he has trouble interacting with peers. One time, I caught him walking in circles looking at his feet in the middle 30 of his work colleagues. I felt terrible for him as he did not notice that his behavior was in any way different from the others. He does not like to drink alcohol but does on occasion. I find his behavior gets even stranger when he’s had a few.

    He hasn’t made a single friend in 3 years in the town where we live and the friends that he does have, are all much younger or older than him. We joined a volleyball team together and I was able to observe first hand, the challenges he has with social interaction. He says really rude things unintentionally which has made it hard for us to make friends with the other couples. My friends do not like him as he tends to make a terrible first second and third impression.

    I feel so angry and embarrassed that he isn’t able to treat our teammates kindly. He isn’t able to share things or buy rounds of drinks for instance.

    I had the opportunity to meet a bunch of the people he went to university with the other day and it broke my heart to see them treat him as the kid that no one likes, and its not because they are terrible people, its simply because he’s hard to be around sometimes. But the even sadder thing is that he doesn’t see any of it but I do.

    Over the past 3 years I’ve listened to the struggles he has in the workplace. He’s been let go once and I suspect its because of his unique behavior although they didn’t explain why they let him go.

    He spends all of his time building street racing cars, or playing tennis. He is the best tennis player in the town. He’s brilliant with organizing the tennis league and has little problems functioning when at the tennis court and taking care of the games but at the after parties is where the problems really show through.

    I need to speak to him about this. He is very sweet and I love being with him. The problem is that if we stay together, we need to be able to talk about these challenges. It affects my ability to interact with other people as a couple. It’s embarrassing and its making me resent him. I also need to talk to him about this because I need to know if it is aspergers because if we have chidden, its very likely that it will affect our children.

    He is the sweetest, smartest, most fun person I know. But I believe in my heart that this is something that needs to be discussed.

    Can anyone tell me if this sounds like aspergers behavior?

    • Hello,

      I have only just been very recently diagnosed ith aspergers at the age of 52. I always felt odd on occasions, but never understood why. I’m told that my symptoms are on the milder end of the scale. However, this has not helped me with relationships over the years or my marriage. The problem being that if the other partner does not know or understand why you are like you are then the relationship is either going to be very hard work & possibly doomed to failure.
      Over the years I have developed a multitude of coping strategies, but this has only come after euro typical people have tactfully explained why we don’t do something or behave in a certain way. I think the key question you may want to ask yourself is how serious you are about your relationship & whether you love the other person deeply enough to persevere over what can & will be a bumpy road from time to time. If you do then you are going to need a lot of tact & care about how you broach the subject with your boyfriend & in what ways that you want to support him.
      The problem with being an aspire I now realise is that we don’t always understand subtlety & quite often when a member of the opposite sex want to give us the brush off we fail to understand that subtlety. I won’t bore you with how many times woman have dragged me up the garden path metaphorically speaking by not being truly honest in their feelings about me. Had I been told that they didn’t want to see me any more then I would understand, but sadly life isn’t always quite so easy & neither are people.
      If your serious about your boyfriend then be careful with his feelings & how you go about things with him. You could unwittingly do more damage than you realise. From what you describe & my own personal experiences, yes it sounds like your boyfriend has aspergers signs & symptoms, but obviously it need to be diagnosed by a qualified professional.

      I hope this may be of some use to you & good luck,

      Pete : )

    • what’s so sweet about someone who won’t say your name or tell you he loves you? yeah, he probably does have aspergers. he also sounds very unpleasant. some people with aspergers are a bit more kind and self-aware, and may even have a sense of humor. i dont see this working out well for you.

  72. I’ve always wondered if I have aspergers and for a lot of my childhood my mum use to say that she thought I did. Unfortunately, she never said it in a nice way and it was almost always followed by some variation of the phrase ‘what the hell is wrong with you’ or ‘why can’t you just be normal’. So I guess you could say that I’ve never really had a positive view of being aspie and wasn’t really jumping to get a diagnosis. But I still wonder about whether I actually am, or maybe I just have some variation of social phobia? Social situations have definitely been hard for me for a long time (especially eye contact), but they haven’t always been. Until I was 14, I was actually known as the outgoing one amongst my friends and family. I used to sort of be ‘popular’ …god knows what happened, but it all went down hill from there. The thing I most identify with about aspergers is having people find you to be ‘quirky’, having an odd sense of humor and never feeling like you fit in. But I’ve never been smart, or had that one area that I really excel in like many aspies are meant to. In fact, I’m just extremely average at most things I do. I think that’s why I’ve always dreaded the idea of being diagnosed, because it seems like I have all of the downsides of aspergers but without any of the benefits. Which kind of sucks. Anyway, this has just turned into a rant but I just felt like putting my experiences out there.

    • Hi, I have just read your post. I am 45 yrs of age, can related exactly to what you have just said, especially the second part, uncanny. Other people struggle with me and relationships are a problem. Recently married but there are problems, I thought it was the real deal, what a dolly day dreamer I am, but it is not, I am unhappy, and I have been looking at myself, I thought I was normal, but I suspect I am “aspie” I’ve seen it called. I won’t change and need to realise it and be true to myself and not mess up any more lives.

  73. It is nice to have a name for it, but I always knew I had something. IQ 160 yet social situations have always been avoided when possible. I hold down a job, but am underemployed due to this aspect of my personality. I wish someone had helped me in those crucial years of high school and college. Father and nephew I am pretty sure have it also. I remember being socially uncomfortable as young as 3yrs old. Didn’t know about sensitivity to sounds, thought it was just the PTSD. Having this makes it much easier to be a victim of bullies/mobbers-that makes me sound like I am a teenager, but I am actually middle-aged. Pretty sure I have PTSD also. I’m ok, they are not ok, is how I view it.

  74. I am 17, and after reading this article and many others I am nearly certain that I have Asperger’s. (This article, however, was the one that convinced me to go to my school counselor to talk about it. Great article, by the way.)
    I talked to my mom about my suspicions (she is my only friend), but she just laughed and said “You talk to people fine. You don’t have Asperger’s.” But the truth is, I don’t “talk to people fine.” I imitate how I have seen other people talk, and it is a constant struggle to maintain eye contact while keeping track of what I am doing, what the other person is saying, and comparing the body language and facial expressions of the other person to past interactions. I am mentally exhausted by the end of even the shortest conversation.
    I also read on another website that people who have first-degree family members with autism or autistic traits are 50x more likely than the general population to be diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder, like Asperger’s. My brother is autistic and my dad is borderline.
    I have some sensory issues: fluorescent lights (specifically those in classrooms) for longer than about a half-hour leave me in a state of near catatonia. I can barely respond to direct questions, much less pay attention to, and take legible notes on, what teachers are lecturing about. I also have trouble wearing plastic-based clothes (they feel “wrong”), and when I am studying I have to keep headphones on with white noise or I can’t pay attention at all because of all the tapping and high-pitched noises that seem to amplify when I am under stress.
    From a very young age I have had what my mom called “bad habits,” but which I now recognize as “stims.” These so-called “habits” have included walking around with my hands curled under my chin, swallowing reflexively when talking, humming a single note in harmony with the AC/heating system, sucking on each of my fingers in turn, “hand flapping” (I still do this), rocking back and forth (I also still do this), walking on tip-toes (ditto), and petting, twirling and twisting my hands on, in, and around any available surface (I now take Silly Putty with me into class and surreptitiously knead it under the desk so I don’t disrupt anyone). When one “habit” ends, another almost immediately takes its place. They make me feel “right” again when I am doing them.
    I get obsessed with things. I once spent about 12 hours straight, with only the occasional bathroom break/kitchen raid, researching the history of, methods for, and materials used in the creation of illuminated manuscripts. I can’t draw at all, and yet I can’t stop myself once I get obsessed with something… like illuminated manuscripts. (Another obsession was the care and feeding of goats. I have never even owned a goat, and I have only seen them in petting zoos! That one lasted three weeks, with almost every waking moment spent reading about goats, memorizing the pros and cons of various breeds of goats, and drawing diagrams of possible ways to convert our half-acre yard into a goat sanctuary. I drove my family nuts talking about goats. I was really annoying.)
    Anyway, this is an example of the proof that I am going to show my school counselor. I am not going to tell my mom what I am doing, because she already rejects the idea of even discussing the possibility of me having Asperger’s. It makes me sad, because she really is the only person I ever talk to, but it is her fault for not listening. (She has a history of that: once I told her I was depressed and thinking about suicide because I have no one, and she laughed and said that everyone feels that way when they are my age. I was honestly very close to committing suicide at that time, and her response almost pushed me over the edge. I am fine now, and I still love my mom very much, but sometimes I wish she would just take me seriously.)

  75. My mum was the first one to suggest that I might have asperger’s. I didn’t really believe her until she bought a book about women with asperger’s that, in essence, described my entire childhood. At first she was very supportive but, unfortunately, we’ve never found it easy to get allong well and before long she began making me feel guilty about it, as if I was using it as an excuse when we argued.

    I’ve been holding off on getting a diagnosis for about a year because I’ve been so worried about whether or not I’ve actually got it. This website has helped me realise that I do identify with the vast majority of symptoms and that I probably do have it. I’m not just “using it as an excuse” and I’m not overreacting. I think I’m going to try and get a diagnosis now. Thank you :)

  76. This hit me like a ton of brother spoke to me at length about how i may have Asperger’s recently.. as i read more and more about Aspie my mind is screaming a yes so loud that it resonates in my head for hours together. i feel bad and confused more than ever now.. but hopefully that will pass. I wish i knew this beforehand i could atleast explain to people why am the way i am. I remember when i was much younger if i was getting a earful from my parents for one of the “many” clumsy things i did, how i would withdraw into myself and never open my lip to utter a sorry even. For hours together. I remember how my dad asked me 72 times the same question and i just stood there blank in front of him till he gave up. Yes he counted. He understood something was off in me and just accepted my personality. But everywhere i ve gone and everyone i ve seen have told me how weird or out of the world i seem. I dunno if i should feel happy or sad for this. I just want to accept it and live peacefully within myself. I have the most amazing support system a.k.a my family who over the years have sort of figured out but waited until now to tell highly immature (or so others think) so its probably good they still unsure of how to make my next move. I find repetition so soothing, i have not tried a new restaurant in i dunno how many years, its always the same place, the same meal, the same drink, the same route back home. Man is a creature of habit but i think aspie’s take it a bit far. I am glad there are other people like me and i hope and pray that we all get through life with the minimal amount of discomfort.

    • I am currently in the process of finding out if . Am an aspie. When I met my fiance I was so shocked at how very much alike we were. How for the first time in my entire life someone actually got me. He understood why I think the way I do. He understood how I get so frustrated with others. He understood why I’ve Had such a hard time finding decent true friends. (still searching). He was diagnosed with aspergers at 8 and through his childhood and teen years was helped on a daily basis how to handle situations a little better. He had everything I didnt get, except more life experiences. I am 32 he is 21 and we are perfect for each other. I have researched and talked enough now to realise that I am an aspie. I am currently seeing a psychologist who will be looking more into things with our suspicions. To me knowing . Am an aspie or at least highly likely, is a relieve and a comfort. I’m not a bad person, I’m not crazy and I’m not a looser.yes I am different to everyone I’ve ever known, and there’s a very interesting reason why. I see things that most disregard or miss, I love to talk deeply and not idle chit chat, I find pleasures in simple things (like repeating lines I Love in movies etc) I am creative, highly expressive (even if it comes out a little unstructured) and highly enthusiastic regarding things like. I am an aspie and in m. Eyes it’s better than being exactly like every one else who isn’t. It can be highly frustrating but you work with what you have. :)

  77. Yesterday I burnt a pizza for the hundredth time, after my boyfriend has told me time and time again to put it on the correct heat and leave it in for the correct time. I’ve always known this, and I get in a strange habit of doing things ‘my’ way, even if I can hear a voice in my head which says ‘you’re going to burn that’ or ‘you’re doing it wrong’, it’s almost like a stubborn little girl trapped in me going ‘no, my way is right.’ Then, lo and behold, it’s burnt again.

    My boyfriend then said ‘I swear there must be something wrong with you, that’s just not normal’. And for once I took that in. I stood there, feeling no emotion (but shame deep down), realizing that I have felt almost no emotion on the surface for a very, very long time. People are always telling me to ‘cheer up’ or that I am weird or funny. The way I wear the same thing over and over every day, eat the same meals, go to the same places, watch the same films, listen to the same music. I find it near impossible to break out of certain habits – and certainly my social life has taken a turn for the worst in that I barely leave the house these days, finding comfort in sitting on my computer in front of the tv enjoying a cup of tea – even if I want to go out, I convince myself not to, that being indoors will make me happier than going out and meeting new people. I’m the queen of excuses nowadays.

    Now, after reading the various categories and lists online, I’m finding every aspect of my personality described – in detail – on here. Down to little things I thought nobody else knew about or did, it’s so bizarre. So bizarre. I’ve been making links like crazy back to my childhood years, teen years, seeing how it was never noticed and I was always ‘gifted’ or ‘special’. I was ‘arty’, would sit on my own in computer suites at school or in the art room happily working over and over and over again at a certain piece of work until I am happy with it, then getting a burst of absolute bliss. So strange.

    Thank you for all the information on this website, I feel like the backpack of bricks and self-loathing and self questioning I’ve been carrying around with my my whole life has been taken off. I feel free. I’m going to seriously look into the possibility of being diagnosed and can finally begin to start being proud of my life, instead of constantly putting myself down, self harming, drinking, taking drugs, numbing out the feeling of being ‘weird’. Finally, I feel like I understand myself, and forgive myself, and it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. Thank you.


  78. Hi,

    I just discovered your website today and have been reading thru it and going Yes! Yes! Yes! at every moment of recognition. I’m 54 and when I was little Aspergers hadn’t been invented. however, I always knew I was peculiar. In fact I think I must have been 7 or 8 when I told my mother that I thought I should see a psychiatrist. She was absolutely appalled. She could never bear any mental or physical abnormality. So I used to hide my true self away, I finally realized what was wrong with me a few years ago when I was reading book about the designer Rennie Mackintosh and there was a chapter ‘Did Rennie Mackintosh Have Aspergers’ and listed the symptoms. It was a Eureka moment. I wasn’t being childish or standoffish when I couldn’t think of anything to say to people or upset them without intending to. So much on your website is so true of me that I could write pages. Anyway, my Mum died in February and I’ve been suffering from depression (which I get regularly twice a year but which has lasted longer and been worse than usual this year – and going thru the menopause hasn’t helped). I finally went tot he doc with it a month ago and have been put on Citalopram. The doc seems to think that I’m depressed because of repressed grief,but it isn’t. All my long hidden feelings are coming to the surface and I’m feeling very guilty about how I disappointed my parents, but now I see that what caused that was my being an aspie in that I was useless at sport and generally awkward and withdrawn. Anyway, today I saw my doc again and told her my suspicions re Aspergers and she said that even if I did have it she didn’t see much point in getting a formal diagnosis as it wouldn’t achieve anything. I feel I know too much about it and would know what answers to give to get the diagnosis I want. But thinking about it and reading your website has made me decide to ask for a referral when I next see her in a month’s time. Its only today that I’ve ever told any one at all about my suspicions, and it is making me feel quite liberated, to think that somebody understands and I’m not the weird creature I always believed myself to be.

    • Lisa, I am so very glad. It is hard to reach middle age without knowing something so important about oneself, and I admire your positive reaction. It is a long journey of discovery you have started, but an enlightening one – sometimes distressing, more often liberating as you describe. I wish you luck, particularly with your GP. I have heard of your GP’s response so many times now, I think I might write a post called “Well it would achieve something for me!”

      • Dear Leigh,

        Thank you for your kind response. There’s so much I want to say that I don’t know where to start and far rabbiting on to much and boring people and seeming just seeming an egotist. Its so comforting to find someone who understands and the fact that the website is anonymous helps -whispers of comfort and understanding in the dark.

        I’m going to tell you about a particularly traumatic time in my life. All my life the only thing I’ve ever really wanted to be was a writer (I much prefer to communicate in writing as I can plan what I want to say -I hate using the phone). My parents wanted me to be a teacher, and I was happy to go along with that to get the long holidays and short working hours to give me time to write. So I got accepted by a college to do a degree. One of my criteria in picking a college was how easy it was to get home from it but I ended up being shunted to a campus which was difficult to get to. Anyway, the day came to go and all my belongings were packed up and off Mum and I went. I was allocated a shared room, which completely freaked me out as I’m an only child and never had to share a room with anyone apart from on odd times like on school trips -but a complete stranger. I have a great need for both physical and mental privacy. I was in tears when Mum left me and basically spent the rest of the day and night having one massive panic attack, because I was not only obliged to share my privacy with a complete stranger but also I felt as if I’d been abandoned and home wouldn’t be home any more. The next day I went home in a funk. My parents were not pleased to say the least. My father always regarded me as a bit of a wuss. Eventually I agreed to go back on condition that I could have a room of my own but I suspect that people thought I was just having a childish hissy fit. I got my degree in the end but I hated every moment of my time at college, was bored by the work and came home every other weekend. After the degree I went to uni to do a post grad teaching cert, only I failed both my teaching practices as I couldn’t control the kids – any my parents were not best pleased with that either, tho looking back I can see it was a blessing in disguise as I think I’d’ve had a breakdown if I’d had to cope with obstreperous kids day after day. I was on the dole for 16 years, tho for the last 8 of those I worked regularly at the local racecourse in catering (Mum got me the job as she had been there years) while at the same time doing secretarial skills at the local college. I had no end of interviews but it was always the same: I was overqualified and under experienced, and being an aspie, as I now realize – my interview skills were not the best. Eventually I got the job I have now, but only because I didn’t get the job I was interviewed for: 6 weeks later somebody had to go on long term sick leave at short notice and I was available to start immediately. I’ve been there 15 years now but its not been easy. I’m not good at teamwork and don’t like being told what to do and so I’ve had some massive clashes with my boss.

        Thanks for reading this. I hope I’ve not bored you.

  79. hey, I just wanted to thank you for your post/blog, never has anyone said how I have been feeling about the prospect of having Asperger’s I am not diagnosed and what you said means so much to me, particularly this

    “Perhaps you’re worrying that you just want to have Asperger’s syndrome, because it would “excuse” all your “failings”. Perhaps you’re worrying that you’re just “attention seeking”. Perhaps you don’t feel worthy of a diagnosis”

    The quote above is exactly how I have been feeling, I recently at 19 dropped out of university after finding it all too much. I am going to go to the Doctor but I am afraid they will just think I am being paranoid and dismiss me.

  80. This post has been so helpful. After two years back & forth to my 11 year old sons school, appointments with educational phyc’s and him being accused of not trying in school, feeling like he does nothing right, like he has no friends, not wanting to go to any activities or school we have now been referred for an assessment for aspergers. Up till two days ago I hadn’t much understanding but after reading many websites it all looks so obvious. Most of what has been said above I can relate to how my boy is and says he feels.

  81. Hi Leigh,

    Just discovered your site, really good! I’m also from Sussex. I was diagnosed in 1995 aged 13, and it interests me why there are so many people younger than me who didn’t get a diagnosis until adulthood. The conclusion I am coming to is that as a child I did not pretend to fit in with the other kids trying to join in and looking like a regular kid from an outsider like many aspies try to do in their earliest years. No back in the late 80’s before it was known about, I’d spend play times walking up and down in the same spot on my own, talking to my imaginary people – so I made it pretty obvious I was different!

    I believe getting a diagnosis is something worth fighting for, I do understand it can be a battle as unlike with physical disabilities, there’s no black or white criteria to judge it by. But if you can identify the problem, and label it, you can start to identify the help you need, in whatever way that may be and make progress. We need to make clear to anyone struggling with their label that there is absolutely nothing that someone with aspergers is incapable of doing – no limits – just the need to learn some things (i.e. social skills) a different way from others. After that we can identify where help is needed and look for ways to seek out the right support, or learning and development needs.

    For me,, a big issue was socialising. I was happy to latch onto my parent’s friends as a kid as this was safe, easy and comfortable. But as an adult I wanted a social life of my own, and I have a great one now, but it’s taken me years to achieve it. But throughout the process I have learned so much about social dynamics and the exact type of support an individual with aspergers needs to succeed socially. Get the right methods in place and you’re flying!

  82. Hi Leigh, that was a truly fantastic post. I relate with so many things that you’ve written – much more than I ever related to the typical “Aspie” blogs or news or medical information.
    I am a 20 year old female, I go to school full-time and work part-time. In my senior year of high school, my family told me about Aspergers. My mom believes I have it. And apparently since I was a child Aspergers was brought up – but not early on. Early on I was a “rude” and “stubborn” child. I guess that was still when Aspergers wasn’t a well-known diagnosis.

    But here’s the part of your post that I related to the most – word for word related to –
    “Perhaps you’re worrying that you just want to have Asperger’s syndrome, because it would “excuse” all your “failings”. Perhaps you’re worrying that you’re just “attention seeking”. Perhaps you don’t feel worthy of a diagnosis.”

    I have experienced all of these things. And I still do. I struggle with it because I “want” Aspergers so bad, because I am guilty of being mean, rude, and a horrible person.
    I do get obsessed with topics, but I don’t feel the need to talk about them with everyone, like I’ve heard that people with Aspergers do. I am over-the-top obsessed with anime, and for the past year I’ve been absolutely obsessed with Nirvana and grunge. I make eye contact, and laugh, and am really, really good at telling what people are feeling through their emotions – and I go about my day without impairments. In high school, I was always “the quiet kid”. I’m still like that but I can integrate myself now, so that I fit in with everyone much more than I used to. My face is often unemotional. I didn’t always know this, but I realized once my mom told me a long time ago. I remember when I walked down the halls in high school, I made a conscious effort to raise my eyebrows so that it didn’t look like I was scowling. In my freshman year of college, I had a classmate go up to one of my friends and ask “what was wrong with me”. She thought I looked really sad. When in reality, I was feeling perfectly fine.

    That’s just some background. I just have a burning need to know for certain whether I have Aspergers or not. I know for a fact that I specifically struggle with anxiety (all the time) and OCD (medication and time has made it better). But I feel that Aspergers “forgives” all of my failings. All of my wrongdoings. It makes it not my “fault”. I’ve felt this way since I heard this diagnosis. I wish I could just know whether it was true or not. Because I am not Autistic-seeming at all. I just seem a little unapproachable. I am extremely good at telling what people are feeling from their facial expressions and mannerisms…That’s a count against a true diagnosis.

    If anyone could somehow calm my mind.

  83. Hi,
    I’m a 25 Aussie girl and I’m almost positive that I have Aspergers. My 9 year old daughter too, for that matter.
    I fit the criteria perfectly, particularly the social awkwardness and deep seeded, though often short lived, obsessions.
    However, I am absolutely terrified of going to my GP for a diagnosis or referral, as I don’t want to be told that I don’t have Aspergers, through fear of going on as a”freak” for the rest of my life.. any other advice?

  84. Hi, I’m 15 and I think I may have asperger syndrome, I’ve been reading about aspergers in females and it seems to match up with me but I don’t want to misdiagnose myself because I always thought of myself as just awkward that I was just a loner. I remember I was always quiet and would watch people before I felt okay to join in conversation and would only talk when I had something to say but for the most part just be quiet but whenever I did (do) talk I would end up talking too much and would get irritated expressions from people, and after I’d feel drained like “I should have remained quiet”and sometimes when I said things people would take them offensively and who ever baby sat me would say I was a problem. I got older and in about the 6th grade I was bullied(I was always picked on since I can remember) and the way I would deal was through watching anime and through that I would live in this “fantasy”world in my thoughts whenever I was alone and it was literally all I would do outside of school and I remember talking wore me out for example I remember taking a trip to my aunt and uncle’s house in Colorado for spring break and I couldn’t hold eye contact and didn’t want to talk and they thought I was disrespectful, I even made my cousin uncomfortable . In the 7th grade I moved a town over and I was in a new situation away from familiar faces and couldn’t look people in the eye and other kids would always ask “are you sad? what’s wrong?” and I was always the “quiet”In the 8th grade I made close friends and I found that hard to get used to because I was worn out socially tried and I guess you could say I always focused on them but I always tried to be as “normal” but was always afraid they’d see how I really am. In 9th grade my friends went to different schools than me and I was worn out socially and even got depression that school year.
    Sorry I wrote a lot I just want to give you a picture
    I wouldn’t lie about something like this and do want a formal diagnosis and I wouldn’t use something like aspergers as an excuse or crutch, but I wouldn’t know where to go for a diagnosis and feel as though my mom won’t believe me, if I get a diagnosis and it comes out true I won’t go blurting it out but I wouldn’t know how to deal with people not believing me.. I’m sorry this was lengthy, please please tell me what I should do, I don’t know how to come out and ask my mom.

    • I find it very hard to advise other people – all our situations are different, and especially as you are still a minor. However, you sound very likely aspie to me; your experience of growing up is much like my own childhood. My advice would be to show this site (and what you wrote) to a trusted adult – it doesn’t have to be your mother; maybe a teacher at school or a health professional. Prepare carefully first (study the facts), and try not to feel defensive if you are not believed – many people don’t want to believe us, because they think it means they are condemning us to being flawed (or themselves to having contributed to that “flaw”). For what it’s worth, even in my late thirties I had serious doubts about my own self-diagnosis: like you, I felt it matched the way I viewed life, the way other people viewed me, and my general experiences of trying (and failing) to interact successfully, but my closest friends and relatives dismissed the idea, saying I was just attention-seeking and/or obsessing. And that was when I was grown up with three kids of my own!! It is very hurtful, and I know how very much harder it is for people your age. But remember, in just three years time, you will be able to go for a diagnosis without parental consent.

      I hope this has helped in some way. Please let me know how you get on.

      • Thanks for sharing….I am informally diagnosed, realized it in my mid-40s, decades after my son. I am struggling with the part of “forgiving my past self” (perfectionist much? ) but DO appreciate that you reinforce that!

        ” Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” ~ Albert Camus

  85. Thank you so much for being here… The first few lines of this post are EXACTLY where I am right now. I have struggled for years with people calling me arrogant, rude, aggressive and just plain awful!!! I am none of those things… I now know I have aspergers!!!

    I KNOW I have aspergers in some format and to some degree. I may well hold down a job and seem normal on the outside. I don’t have facial or muscle tic’s, I don’t stare at my feet in order to avoid eye contact and I don’t speak in a strange language all of my own particular vocabulary.

    I know what I struggle with and I don’t need a Dr to validate me however, a diagnosis may go some way to giving me some relief in that I can SAY I have Aspergers to my family.

    I now know what caused me so much difficulty growing up and continues to give me trouble with my friends, work colleagues and family to this day. I know that is isn’t my fault. I can stop blaming myself for the breakdown in my first marriage. I must have been very difficult to live with and looking back all the signs were there… Yet I had no help, no support and did not even think that I was the cause of the difficulties.

    This post has given me so much hope and relief that whilst I may still be difficult and challenging to live with, my struggle has a name and is a very real ‘thing’. It is not my personality, it is not my upbringing, it is not my arrogance…. It is called ASPERGERS SYNDROME PEOPLE……

    Read up on it and get used to me.

    Read up on it and accept me

    Read up on me and enjoy the positive things it brings to your life.

    I am now happy… for the first time in a long time.

  86. Thank you som much for being here… The first few lines of this post are EXACTLY where I am right now.

    I KNOW I have aspergers in some format and to some degree. I may well hold down a job and seem normal on the outside. I don’t have facial or muscle tic’s, I don’t stare at my feet in order to avoid eye contact and I don’t speak in a strange language all of my own particular vocabulary.

    I know what I struggle with and I don’t need a Dr to validate me however, a diagnosis may go some way to giving me some relief in that I can SAY I have Aspergers to my family.

    I now know what caused me so much difficulty growing up and continues to give me trouble with my friends, work colleagues and family to this day. I know that is isn’t my fault. I can stop blaming myself for the breakdown in my first marriage. I must have been very difficult to live with and looking back all the signs were there… Yet I had no help, no support and did not even think that I was the cause of the difficulties.

    This post has given me so much hope and relief that whilst I may still be difficult and challenging to live with, my struggle has a name and is a very real ‘thing’. It is not my personality, it is not my upbringing, it is not my arrogance…. It is called ASPERGERS SYNDROME PEOPLE……

    Read up on it and get used to me.

    Read up on it and accept me

    Read up on me and enjoy the positive things it brings to your life.

    I am now happy… for the first time in a long time.

  87. Hey Leigh,

    Lately I have come to realise that what is ‘wrong’ with me is not just ADD. By reading a lot about aspergers I have self-diagnosed myself as defenitly an aspie(girl). For my ADD I get medication that helps me get trough the day. But I am afraid if I also let myself be diagnosed with aspergers, that they quit the description for the pills that make me function a bit better in everyday life. And I’m also afraid of the reactions people might have. When I stated the question to a few people, they first laughed and said that I didn’t look like someone with autism.. But when I tried to explain the symptoms they seemd more open to it. But still, going trough this comparison with stereotypes does not look very compelling to me. Any advise?

    • I know what you mean I feel as though I may have it as well I’m almost certain I talked to a friend of mine about getting diagnosed and he just said “I think you’re normal” and I guess that’s what makes me think that people have a stereotype of what someone with autism is like. I think if you have a person that supports you even if it’s just one person to go with you when you get a diagnosis and a place where you can find a good specialist, you should be fine in terms of getting diagnosed, also in terms of dealing with people not believing you I know I’m scared too I haven’t come out to say I want the diagnosis yet to a lot of people, but I think what helps is that you’re doing it for yourself and not them. Have you gotten around to getting diagnosed?
      Sorry I know you were expecting Leigh but I just wanted to help out, if you want you can email me if not that’s fine too

  88. Wow. Thank you so much for this. I found myself agreeing and agreeing with what you’ve written here. I’m in my early teen years, and I started to suspect the syndrome in myself last year. Every day is different now. “I definitely have it”, then, “I probably have it, I might”, then “It’s all in my head” and back again. I think the first thing I’ll have to do is see the school counsellor, and maybe she can help me out. To be honest, I’ve been too scared to try and contact her, because I don’t know exactly what it’s going to be like, talking to a counsellor. But what you’ve written here has really boosted my confidence and maybe I’ll be brave enough to just go and see her now.

    • I am so glad this has helped you. Boosting confidence is one of our main ambitions! Good luck with the counsellor, and please let us know how you get on!

  89. Have just had my diagnosis late in life and would not disagree with a word Leigh says about the experience. So good to read that someone else has had the same thoughts, doubts, reactions. Cheers for that. Am ready to see what this new phase of self-knowledge brings.

    • Thank you for saying so!
      And good luck with the next bit :o)

  90. Thank you for this, and also the “Symptoms from an Aspie”. I have done my homework and I have seen that I follow in the same traits as I see in this website and others. I have self diagnosed myself as an aspie, but I cannot formally diagnose myself. I am only 15 years old, and unfortunately my family is under the impression that I am going through a phase where I want to have mental disorders. They refuse to believe in my depression or my Attention Deficit Disorder (which were formally proved), saying that it is all a part of my phase. Do you have any advice?

    • Hi James, I sympathise enormously with your position, as I have been there myself. My only suggestion is to show your family this website, and maybe others that you have found, explaining how you relate to the symptoms. If you can detail any particular behaviours of yours (or incidents) that they will remember for themselves, that would help too. Please feel free to get in touch again. And good luck.

  91. Thanks for the article which is exactly at the point I’m at.
    Over the last 5 years since my son was diagnosed with Asperger’s I’ve slowly come to realise that I probably am myself. The no eye contact and sensory overload are really pretty clear as are the string of diligent hobbies and collections. But…..when it comes to the social aspects things get a whole lot more indistint. You see 45 years of hiding and avoiding people, of convienient forgetfulness and creating a safe world for myself have become so polished that I’m not that sure if its me or not! Ten years of deep depression tends to kick the s**t out of every last scrap of self belief. Its not a pity story more a very real dilemma – How can I tell whats me and whats fake, I think the clincher for me is that as the depression subsides the constant anxiety of being around people is as real as ever. I’ve still got a long road to travel but I suddenly feel like I have a family of Aspies who are on my side.
    Thanks for the chance to write. It helps a lot to put down the words and thoughts. Duncan

    • Hi Duncan, thanks for the comment; it’s always good to hear other people’s stories. Yes, it’s very hard to know what’s real and what’s fake after a life-time of pretence – I’ve been there too. I can promise you, it gets easier as time passes. I found that finally being able to forgive myself all my “failings” meant I could let myself be who I naturally wanted to be – making decisions on a more subconscious level, rather than thinking about it too much, and always trying to please other people – and the real me came through. It probably took me a year. I’m glad you feel part of a family of aspies; I feel the same way! We’re so lucky to be living in the age of the internet!

  92. Dear Leigh, Just wanted to let you know that I had my diagnosis interview with the psychologist today and the answer I got was “definitely aspergers.” So, yeay.
    I’m still processing it I guess, but the feeling I have at the moment is like a huge weight has been lifted off me. So thank you again for making this website and writing about autism, your words were and are a tremendous support.

    • Congratulations. I appreciate the processing involved, and that it isn’t all easy or straightforward, but I sincerely hope the weight continues to lift.

      It is enormously rewarding to know you find this site is helpful and supportive – that is exactly what I set out to do, and it’s fantastic to know it’s working. Thank you for saying so :o)

      • I first wrote on here under the pen name ‘liberated ape.’ So that was me all worried and confused and here I am today and what I have to do is re-write my own history. And that is a history in which I am not difficult, weird, mad, anymore. It’s a history in which a girl with aspergers became a loving mum and a happily married wife and a successful person. And it is a history in which I can revisit my old passions (drawing, visual cataloging) with a whole new focus. Being obsessed with an interest and pursuing my love of it is a good thing, not something to hide and be ashamed of. It is like being freed or validated. Hmm, still processing…

        • Am so glad the veil has lifted. It’s a joy to read, it really is. Please, keep me posted on how you’re doing. I know it doesn’t end with diagnosis. Take care.

  93. Thank you thank you thank you! You start this article explaining EXACTLY what is currently going on in my head – and even the reactions of members of my family! I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Next month I am finally going to see someone about getting a diagnosis, but really scared that they will say no I haven’t got it. After two years of research and reading and examining my own experience that would be as devastating as the last 48 years have been undiagnosed (and mad, weird, attention seeking etc) Reading this helps to calm me down a lot. Thank you!

    • You are more than welcome. I am sincerely glad it helps, and I wish you the very best of luck with your appointment next. Keep us posted!

  94. Very helpful, encouraging and optimistic article Leigh.

    Our grieving timetables were identical! :-)

    Your practical, real life examples and suggestions should be a great help to anyone considering a diagnosis.

  95. We always get a lot of feedback from the aspergers test site of people who have self diagnosed and then go looking for an official diagnosis. It seems like most doctors don’t want to know and are highly reluctant to make referrals.

    • That’s why it’s so important to gather the facts first. I made the mistake of thinking my doctor would know all about Asperger’s when I went to see him, but he was neck deep in prejudice and misinformation. If I have taken along a long list of how my life matched Asperger’s (as well as someone to support me), he would have had to take me more seriously.

  96. I’m in UK- I can insist on a referral? Indicated to GP that think may be Aspergic but was told he didn’t think diagnosis useful, because of ‘self-stigmatising’.
    I would be reassured by diagnosis.
    Your advice is appreciated!

    • I’m sorry, that section was misleading: you can insist on an appropriate referral, but not on the referral itself (I’ve edited the article to remove the ambiguity).

      I would encourage you to go back to your GP. But before you do, think of as many examples as you can to offer as proof for your suspicions – show that you know what you’re talking about! Write it all down so you don’t get flustered. Take someone with you to show you have support. The National Autistic Society have an excellent page about seeking a diagnosis (How do I get a diagnosis?), which goes into greater detail about providing a convincing argument.

      Your GP’s “self-stigmatising” argument suggests a “diagnosis is bad” or “pointless” attitude, so try listing all the reasons why diagnosis would help you.

      And don’t forget the enormous support you have from all the aspies who’ve been there before you!

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