Abuse Tactics: Lying

Lying is all about deflecting attention away from the abusive behaviour, pretending it didn’t happen, making you feel like you’re over-sensitive or overreacting, and/or blaming you for it. Lying will also be used to convince you of your own (supposed) dysfunction – particularly playing on your autism, telling you “you are…” or “you can’t…” be or do whatever, when you know perfectly well you’re not, or you can. Over time, having been told an opinion often enough, you start to believe it, you might even start to repeat it and defend it, taking it as your own.

It’s very unlikely that any one abuser would use all these tactics, and there will be many ways of isolating you not mentioned here. So, don’t feel you’re overreacting if you don’t see all these particular tactics – you’re not. Every situation is different.

Examples of Lying – denying, minimising, blaming
  • “It’s always about you, isn’t it?”
  • “You have no sense of humour.”
  • “You only got hurt because you wouldn’t stop struggling.”
  • “You’re making it all up.”
  • “I didn’t mean it.”
  • “I never said that.”
  • “You asked for it/got what was coming to you.”
  • “It was only a slap/pinch/prod.”
  • “It’s just a game.”
  • “I’m only teasing.”
  • “I did it for you.”
  • “You can’t take a joke.”
  • “I’m only like this because you’re autistic.”
  • “You’re just a nutter/mad/crazy/depressed.”
  • “You’re blowing it all out of proportion.”
  • You’re just over-reacting/oversensitive.”
  • “You have no perspective on life.”
  • “You’re too sheltered/autistic to know about these things.”
  • “You read too many women’s magazines.”
  • “You don’t understand people like I do.”
  • “It has nothing to do with respect.”
  • “I never said that.”
  • “It’s the drugs/drink/depression/unemployment/your autism that made me do it.”
  • “It was only the one time.”
  • “S/he doesn’t mean anything to me.”
  • “It’s nothing.”
  • “S/he’s just a friend. If you can have friends… why can’t I?”
  • “I didn’t tell you, because there’s nothing to tell. There’s nothing in it.”
  • “This is all because you’re so difficult to live with.
  • “If you hadn’t argued, I wouldn’t have hit you.”

Please leave a comment below if you would like to add a lying tactic.

Please DON’T challenge an abuser, or try to leave a relationship, without getting help first.
There are organisations that can help you work out what to do, and help to keep you (and your children) safe from further physical and/or psychological harm. If you are in the UK, please see the Where to Get Help page for more information. If you are outside the UK, Google your country’s abuse charities – there will be people to help you.

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One Response to Abuse Tactics: Lying

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  1. Emma Quayle says:

    ” I said that but you’re just misinterpreting me. You do that a lot”

    “you’ve taken this out of context”

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